#i'll try to expand on this at some point soon!

[tvrningout-a]

i'm still studying but also thinking about how beings like dryads/nymphs of all varieties exist in dorverold, but they're likely a more? secretive race who maybe once associated with the elves. likely after the war and realizing that gods and mortals alike were capable of great and foolish destruction, they cut ties with everyone and now only serve the earth. even if the wild goddess lif were to call out, they would not answer... or so the dryads of the eldest generations proclaim. younger nymphs did not witness the war and the horror; they have only ever heard tales of burned forests, fields fertilized with blood, and rivers polluted with gore. they are far more curious and willing to show themselves, just like helena all those years ago when she approached bronwyn.

[sweetimpurity]

Sometimes I have ideas for fics but not enough will-power to write the whole thing out all the way. This is one condensed haha ⬇️

not proofread 🥴 Part 2!!!

Earth-928

You're out to dinner with your bf Miguel. It's been such a nice night and you've been together so long. You think tonight is the night. He's gonna propose. His job as Spiderman does take him away from you a lot of the time. You tend to spend a lot of time missing him. Wishing he'd make more time for you. Make you his priority. That's the only doubt you'd have when it comes to spending your life with the man but other than that, you know you want it.

He took you for a walk on the beach, then to your favorite restaurant to end the night. You've just ordered your food when his comm watch get's a notification. A red alert emergency. Green Goblin in downtown Manhattan tearing up half a city block and blowing things up. Scaring civilians, injuring many.

"Babe... I'm so sorry... I think I have to go." He says, a growing sense of dread washing over him. And then he looks up to see that look of disappointment in your eyes. The heartbreak.

"You... are you sure, really?" Your voice breaks his heart. He sighs, looking down at the alerts coming in from Lyla. One after the other.

"I'm so sorry... I promise I'll be back as soon as I can..." He says, getting up from the table and kneeling in front of you, taking your hands into his. It breaks your heart even more watching him do that. Seeing him kneel. Except he's not proposing, he's leaving.

"You'll be my number one babe... when I get back I promise..." He says. But the words just make you feel so empty. "I promise... I love you. Wait up for me." He says, letting your hands go and stepping back. Sending an alert to Lyla that he's on the case and he's coming. "I love you babe..." He says again, stepping back and watching you. Wanting to hear you say it back. But you don't. You just watch him go. Heartbroken. Feeling so small, so unimportant. Unwanted.

He eventually has to just let it go and turn to leave. Passing by some people in the restaurant and leaving the restaurant. Trying his best to just keep going. To get this done and then he can be with you. But this has become a pattern as of late.

He gets outside the restaurant, getting to an alleyway and scaling the building, climbing to the top and pressing on the pod to make his suit expand and cover his body. Nanotech glowing up to his jawline and eventually closing over his face in fire red and dark blue.

He swings off to tend to the issue. To stop whatever's going on. Save the city. Again.

You wait for him for an hour. Sitting there like an idiot. Like a fool. Before deciding you deserve better than this. You ask the waiter to pack up the food and pay the bill. Three years you've been with this man. And this sort of thing just happens?

You grab your stuff, getting up to leave. Figuring you'll just go home and eat that ice cream in the freezer. Maybe call your mom or your best friend and get some reassurance or cry. Passing by people leaving the restaurant, you leave the building, walking down the sidewalk a few yards before-

"Baby!" He calls. The familiar sounds of a portal opening accompanying his voice. You look over and there's Miguel walking up to you from the alleyway next to the restaurant. Oh. You think. Here he is? "Hey-"

"You have to come with me. Right now baby. The anomaly, it's worse than we thought. We have to go, this dimension is gonna go!" He explains frantically, his voice slightly muffled by the mask you recognize so well on his face. He comes over, instantly taking both of your hands in his. The cool feeling of his suit on your warm skin. Really? You have to leave now? He said this sort of thing could happen at some point. But the chance was rare because he's always do everything he could before letting the dimension collapse. He's been gone for an hour and now the dimension is suddenly collapsing?

But if he says so, then you'd trust him. "Come on baby. We'll be safe you just have to come with me." He starts walking backwards towards the portal, holding onto your hands. It's not your first time going through a portal with him. It's a weird sort of tingly feeling.

"Okay okay" You nod, shocked by this sudden turn of events; walking with him and looking back on the world you know. The dimension you've lived in all your life. The place you've both shared a life in too. But if he'll be with you then everything should be fine.

He leads you through the portal, his big hand on the small of your back as he helps you through to the other side. The portal closing with a flash of glitching light. The alleyway falls silent. Not a sound.

An hour passes. The restaurant closes, everyone goes home. Your boyfriend swings back to the restaurant. Feeling like such a dick for leaving you like that. Leaving you when he too knew that this was supposed to be a special night. He gets to the restaurant. Finding it closed. "Damn it." He sighs. Pacing back and forth. "Lyla, is y/n back at the apartment?" He says. Walking down the sidewalk a bit.

"I can't track her phone right now. She either lost signal or turned the tracker off herself." She says.

"Damn it." He huffs again. Sighing and staring out at the street. His brow furrowing at what's before him. It's the car. His car. The one you both took to the restaurant tonight. Why is it still here if you're not?

"Lyla. What was her last recorded location?" He asks, staring at the car parked on the street. His mind flooded with possibilities. "Right here. Literally right where you're standing." She says, looking over the data.

He looks around. This doesn't make sense. "Track her again." He says.

"I can't-"

"Try again! Try something else! Street cameras! Surveillance footage! Something!" He yells in frustration and anger. Scowling and look around. Lyla sighs, pulling up the footage from the cameras on this street after hacking into their systems. Scrubbing through the footage.

"Let me see." He demands, looking at the holographic screen as Lyla displays it. There you are, leaving the restaurant. He winces, watching you leaving the place in defeat. Knowing this is his fault. But then he watches you stop, looking down the alleyway next to the restaurant. A flash of glitching light and then it looks like you're talking to someone.

You're definitely talking to someone. He check the time on the footage. It was about an hour ago. An hour ago you started talking to someone in the alley and then-

"What is she doing?" He mumbles, eyes widening when he sees you join hands with someone. The person that's taking up all your attention. "Zoom in Lyla." He demands.

The footage isn't super clear, it never is on these cheap street cameras. But he can see it. When the figure turns around, leading you down the alleyway. It's him. Himself? He can see the red and blue marking of his own suit. He's watching a video of himself leading you down an alleyway into what he can only assume is a portal. A portal to lord knows where. With a version of himself that's pretending to be the one you know.

[banquetwriter]

୨୧ Gardening buddy ୨୧

pairing: Joel Miller ♡︎ Fem!Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ porn with plot, sorta sub!joel, shy Joel, Tommy being an ass, softdom-ish!joel, pussy pronouns, Reader has hair long enough to “gather” (tho it doesn't matter much) with female anotomy, pnv and f receivng oral

summary: ʚ you have some plans to expand the garden and poor Joel just can't resist you ɞ

Words: 5.2k

A/N: lets pretend it didn't take me 22 days to write this lol

P:1 P:2 P:3

Joel swirled his whiskey slightly. He didn't even really want the damned thing. However, he would never decline a free drink. His jaw clenched slightly, eyeing the crowd. It was one of the many community events Jackson liked to host. Joel hadn't gone to many of them if he was honest but Tommy being the ever-intrusive brother he was, he pretty much had no choice but to show up tonight.

Plus you were gonna be there tonight, which was always a bonus.

It was no secret to Joel (or anyone else for that matter) how beautiful you are. You were younger, younger than him at least. He wasn't one hundred percent but early thirties he was guessing. 

You were funny, talented, and had a level head. Dangerous combo for a man like Joel. He'd seen you around of course. You didn’t go on patrols but you did run the gardening area when it came time and helped teach when it was cold.

Joel had noticed you but never had a real reason to say much to you so he didn't. That wasn't until Tommy had introduced you both. Fucking Tommy. You wanted to expand the garden, so you went to Tommy. 

————

Joel had just gotten off an extra patrol shift. He didn't have much to do nowadays so it was either sit around and play his six-string or go out and try and help out.

He had made a promise to Maria to stop by tonight for some planning. He wasn't too sure why, seeing how Joel didn't contribute much. As he knocked on the door and Maria’s half smile greeted him his curiosity grew. 

Everyone knew Joel was a little shy even if he would never say that. He heard your voice, he'd seen you teaching the littles outside enough times to recognize your voice by now. Why the hell were you here? 

“They're in the kitchen. Go ahead and head on back. I'll be right there.” Maria said with a soft smile and a strong hold on Joel's shoulder. She released her grip on the man, smirking to herself and she walked away. As her boot heel clicks got further away it dawned on Joel he had to now navigate a social situation with his brother and a person he didn't know too well.

Great. This oughta go well.

His face was neutral as he walked in. “Oh, there he is! My big brother, ladies and gentlemen.” Tommy walked around his kitchen island to hug his brother. Joel didn't have a moment to prepare as his younger brother's arm came crashing down around his shoulder. His eyes flicker to you who is, In defense, looking away but quietly giggling at his brother's actions. 

“Jesus Tommy, what is all of this about?” he says, fighting the way a red tint covers his face, neck, and ears. Embarrassment floods his system. Tommy loosens his grips eagerly looking at you. “Go ahead tell him.” you raise your eyebrows in surprise at the sudden spotlight. 

“Oh! Well um, well I sorta run all the gardening and whatnot here as well as teach the younglings how to garden and- sorry I'm rambling,” you say waving your hand a bit with a wide smile. You take a deep breath and lean into the kitchen island pointing to a paper, probably a map.

“The garden needs an expansion. There are a lot of people here, and everyone has a mouth to feed. I'm not thinking huge but bigger,” you said gesturing with your hands. Joel nods, walking over to the workspace. “Alright,” he states. Seems like a reasonable plan. “What’ you need me for?” his hands find the counter.

Your eyes flick down but just as soon as they look down they look right back up. “Well I came to Tommy- well actually to Maria THEN to Tommy but he said you're the man for the job,” you said placing your hand on your hip. Course Tommy would sign him up to do the grunt work for a pretty girl like you. 

The old man's eyes shifted to his brother who was now feeling less confident in his skills. “It ain't a big job Joel. We’d get the supplies in a few weeks max.” Tommy said encouragingly. He thought for a few moments.

He should say no. He's old and he ain't got time for no gardens.

————

His stomach swirled with anxiety for what felt like the thousandth time tonight. He told himself he was simply observing the dancing crowd. But he knew who he was looking for. You. He was looking for your awfully friendly smile. Your worn but cute jeans. 

He had spent so much time searching, eyeing the crowd he didn't see the very object of his affection damn near skipping up to him. “Hey gardening buddy!” you shouted holding out your arms. 

Joel's eyes widen at your contact. Your wave of joy crashed into him. “Woah don't kill the old man now!” Tommy shouts from the bar before getting a not-so-playful nudge from his wife. You pull away looking back to rolling your eyes at the younger Miller.

“What an ass,” you mutter, eyes fluttering back to Joel. Joel smiles looking down too nervous to look at you. “But how are you? Enjoyin’ the dancing?” your hand found its way to his shoulder. Your fingers smoothed over the fabric of his jacket, dipping under and pulling his flannel out.

His eyes watch your fingers drop the fabric as you chuckle to yourself. “What?” he finally manages. You were so touchy… it was weird. He didn't mind really. It wasn't anything that would cross a line. Just friendly things. 

Or he thinks.

He hopes it's more, secretly. There are several reasons why it could never work out between you two… You are younger, sweeter, softer. 

He can't think about it too long. He's alone most days now. And thinking about how fucking soft you are will ruin him. When those thoughts bubble up into his mind they don't just stay there. They find their way into his bloodstream… his bones.

He can picture your smile, the way your lips feel against his. The curve of your back, ass, thighs… anything his large rough hands could get on. He'd want all part of you. You smell like honey, or maybe you actually smell like honey. 

He blinks back to you smiling looking at him expectantly. “Yeah uh…” he scratches the back of his head, taking a deep breath in. You do smell like honey. “Ain't much of a dancer, to be honest darlin’,” he sighs. You nod your head with a smile, it is your turn to look down now. “Yeah sorry, I ain't buyin’ what you selling honey.” 

His eyebrows raise as his lips follow in a smirk. “Yeah?” he asks, placing his bands on his hips. Your arms cross with defiance, “Yeah.” your confidence oozed off of you like a waterfall. 

Maybe it was the drink you had or maybe it was you trying to ignore the beating in your heart whenever you saw Joel but you needed a dance.

————

You stood in the front room of Tommy’s looking at all their pictures as Maria shifted around her drawers for something she owed you. Joel, having just agreed to help you expand the garden, had gotten a hard smack on the back from Tommy, a warm smile from Maria and you guessed it a hug from you.

Joel rounded the corner to see Maria approaching you with something small in her hand. “Hey thanks,” you said taking it from her and pushing it in your pocket. “Anything to take the load off.” she winked at you. 

His sister-in-law looked at him and with a quick nod and a “Joel.” it was just you two in the living room. “Thank you again Joel for helping me with this and I promise I will help as much as I physically can,” you said walking up to him. “Quit thanking me, it's not a big deal.” not needing to put his heart in any more strain. 

You let out the (cutest) giggle and stepped back slightly. “Heh- sorry. My name is y/n by the way. I feel like I didn't introduce myself earlier.” 

It felt silly to Joel you felt the need to introduce yourself to him. Like you two haven't met before. Of course, it dawned on him. You just don't think about him as much as he thinks about you. Why would you? He's just Tommy's older brother.

“I know what yer’ name is darlin’.” A slight awkwardness hangs in the air, just like the Christmas lights in December. There to look at and admire. “Right, sorry. I know who you are too. Joel Miller. Tommy’s handsome older brother. You've got quite the reputation.” you said with a wide smile trying to use it to cover up how your face was starting to burn.

If your face was burning Joel’s must be on fire as he opened his mouth to speak but not a word came out. Not only did you know who he was but you called him handsome. That's when the schoolboy crush began in its full form.

No longer could he pretend he just thought you were pretty; those pesky little feelings found a way to weasel into his heart. “Handsome, huh?” he asked, not able to make eye contact.

You bit your lip at his nervousness, toe-ing forward slightly. “Well sure,” you explain. “Hard to miss those big ol’ muscles of yours riding into town,” you said. Your words may be teasing but your tone wasn't. You were more quiet now. 

That's right. The old shift he and Tommy would do usually had him coming into Jackson as soon as you were bringing the littles on a walk around. That means not only did you know him, you saw him. Nearly every damn day. Did you miss him on days he wasn't there? Ever think about sayin’ hi?

“Yeah uh, I remember now. You used to have the kids out about the same time every day when me and’ Tommy’d bring in the horses.” he said gesturing to nothing.

“Yup, that's right. Hey, why don't you do that shift anymore,” you asked, shifting your weight on your feet. It was weird that this didn't feel weirder. Felt like y'all had been friends a while and not for 30 minutes over talking about some garden bed plans.

It still was awkward. It seemed like a tidal wave could hit and you still wouldn't shake the nerves. 

It had been a while since he did that patrol. “Oh well, they can't have an old man on the new guy shift eh?” he said, trying to ease ever-flowing anxieties. It was also a reminder for himself. He is older than you. Therefore out of reach for you and him. Couldn't help it, however. Thinking of the older man. You say older like he isn't a mere 20-something years older. 

“Old man? I've seen the way you wrangle those horses. Old man, where huh?” you teased, arm reaching out for your coat on the rack. He chuckled following your lead pulling his old and tattered Carhart piece on. “Yeah well, I ain't young like I used to be. Think Tommy started to notice finally.” 

He thought back to when he first got to Jackson. Begging Tommy to take Ellie from him and save her. He felt like he was going to get her killed, no he knew he was going to. He was right. He ended up hurting her worse than any scar could.

Now he had no one. Except Tommy. Stupid Tommy.

————

“Well unfortunately for you I was just about to head out.” Joel declared. He wasn't planning on it but now was as good of a time as any. Wasn't it? “Oh leave? Oh no no sorry honey I'm not letting you leave without at least one dance. Are we clear?” you tease poking his chest slightly. 

You laced your fingers with his guiding him to the ‘dance floor’ of the tipsy bison. He felt the warm feeling of your skin bleed into his. He felt the eyes of other patrons on you both. An old man and a young girl. 

The slow country song filled the air. Once you settled on a spot a little far away from the watchful crowd. You twirled around settling your arms around Joel's neck. You start a small sway back and forth to the music. His eyes didn't meet yours, instead swam through the sea of faces

What were they thinking? Were they judging him? “Hey cowboy,” his eyes flutter down. “Eyes on me.” he looks away but not for long, his eyes fall back

To yours like a comforting hug. “Why are you doin’ this?” His voice is low but not mad. “Cause you're cute,” you whisper back faces inching forward. 

There's a beat of science before Joel feels like a familiar feeling bubble in his lower belly. His arms slink down to your waist, his rough hands gripping slightly. His face dipped down to your neck next to your ear, his beard tickling your skin. “You wanna uh- get outta here?” he asks slowly, trying not to make his idea very public.

“Thought you'd never ask.” 

You both chose an Irish goodbye as the safest option. Quietly slipping into the quiet cold night. Your dancing outfit was less than ideal for the colder weather. The freezing air nearly pierces your skin, and if god had heard you just then a blanket of warmth comes down and encapsulates you. 

You turn your head to Joel who has now wrapped his very thick and warm jacket around you. “Thank you,” you said leaning closer to him as you both walked toward your road. No further words were said but your heart seemed to be beating faster than it had all day. 

You rushed to your house's front porch eager to escape the cold. You opened your front door shuffling in and letting Joel in after you. He took in your space. It was cute. A few books were on your coffee table. He would need to ask about those later.

He watched you idly as you kicked your shoes off, tossing them into a shoe bin. You ran to all of the lamps in your living room, turning them all on. It gave the room a homey feel. The realization of what he was about to do started to sink in. 

He wanted to fuck you.

Fuck felt like such a disrespectful term. You were a lady and he was a man. Making love? That felt too cheesy. But maybe Joel was just a cheesy guy... God, 5 years ago he would haven't even considered you romantically, let alone get nervous at the thought of having sex with you.

But here he was watching, getting increasingly nervous as you started a fire in your fireplace. He started to rub his shoulder slightly, watching as you were satisfied with the height of the fire. 

You shrugged his Carhart jacket off placing it on the couch. Joel’s eyes followed you as you approached him. His heart jumped as he felt the air get warmer and it wasn't the fault of the fire. He saw you glance at his lips as you got closer and closer. 

“Are you nervous?” you asked in a teasing voice noticing his quietness. He stood there without making a noise. His silence answered any questions you had. “It's ok,” you took one final step towards him. “We can go at your pace.” 

Your fingers found the sides of his face. Your hands were so soft unlike his, “S’ been a minute since v’done this. S’all.” he breathed out looking down. “That's ok, we can go as slow,” your hands found him pulling them around your waist. “Or as fast as you want this to go. No pressure baby.”

He kept his hands on your waist. Big rough mounds of flesh gripping your waist. His breaths are shaky, he can feel you. He needed to feel more. Joel takes the leap of faith. He pushes his lips against yours. The rest of your body follows as you get pulled flush against him.

You're so warm. He can feel your warmth against his crotch. The flesh of your stomach warms and rubs against him from under the fabric of your clothes. Your lips are soft and you taste like the wood flavor of a good whiskey.

His mouth engulfs yours. His body needs you, craves you. Your fingers find his hair, begging to pull him close. “Joel…” you manage as you press your nose against his. “Come on baby,” he whispers back, nudging your nose slightly. 

He pressed his body against yours encouraging you to start walking backward toward your couch. Your knees hit the plush on the furniture. You let yourself fall back as your chest rises and falls rapidly. He stands over you watching. His pupils are blown.

His skin feels so hot like he needs to jump out of it. On the other hand, he feels like his skin would ignite with yours to create the most beautiful fire. He can't believe he is gonna do this. You feel the same. You watch as he slowly sinks to his knees, choosing to ignore the small pop noise you hear as he settles closer to you.

His old, dark but kind eyes bored into your soul as you leaned closer to him on the couch. Your legs spread open to create room for him. Your mouth collided once more, this time with less urgency. Softly and slowly his tongue explored your mouth. 

Making sure every single inch of him tasted every inch of you. Your hands found quick work of his flannel nearly ripping it off of his body. He watched in awe as your soft eyes filled with lust. You needed him. Was he going to be able to give you everything you needed? 

You seemed sure he would. After making quick work of his flannel your hands started to pull his shirt up enough to expose his round soft belly. Something he is not particularly proud of. But he would be lying if he said the look in your eye didn't give him a slight ego boost 

To you, he wasn't a flabby old man. He was a damn near work of art. He couldn't bell but hesitate taking his shirt off the rest of the way as he watches your eyes track his torso. The only thing snapping him out of his state was realizing you were now looking right at him. 

“Huh?” he asked, staring up at you. You gave him a knowing smirk, “Do you wanna take your shirt off? Or keep it on?” you asked, biting your lip. In a preferable world, Joel could keep all of his clothes on for this. He can't… not easily that is. 

So he took a deep sigh. “Whatever you want honey,” his drawl bleeds into his words and your bearing heart. “Are ya sure? Cuz’ if I have my way you ain't wearing anything.” you said, dragging your finger down his chest. He shivered slightly.

You wanted him. “S’fine by me. Want you the same way.” a flash of heat finds its way to your core. He wanted you. “Oh yeah?” you asked, shuffling back to him and pressing your lips against him, fingers dancing to rip his shirt off. 

He lets you, it's hard to calm his breath enough to kiss you and not freak out. But soon enough his shirt is gone, and you guide your fingers to his having him dip under your shirt. He for a second isn't sure what to do, his brain only being able to think about how soft you are. Jesus, he is losing it. Eventually, he allows his hand to glide up your back.

Fumbling for a second with the bra strap before undoing it. It was at this moment that Joel slowly remembered who he was. He was dominant, soft, and experienced. Your eyes go slightly wide at his ability to snap your bra off. 

“My my he has many tricks up his sleeve,” you say with a smile as he pulls your bra completely off your body. “This ain't my first rodeo darlin’” he comments, unable to hold back a small smile. “For your sake, I’d hope not.” you joked. He rolled his eyes. The atmosphere shifted again. You gripped the bottom of your top pulling it off yourself.

His eyes and some drops. Your perfect tits sat looking right at him. “Christ,” he murmured, moving closer to you. His mouth instinctually moved to your collarbones, his hands slipped up your stomach. 

You breathed out at the feeling. He was wonderful. A breathy “Joel,” flew past your lips as his mouth went further, taking your nipple into his mouth. Slowly licking and sucking on your mound. Your fingers found his hair. The tips and nails tubing against the roots of the salt and pepper locks. 

He pulled away, a single string of spit still connecting the two of you. His mouth found your other tit, replicating the same love did to the other side. The slow-burning ache started to fill your system. You pressed down onto the couch trying to find any sort of relief from the pressure. 

Joel saw your struggle. His rough fingers slid down to your ass, even in jeans his touch felt so good. “Oh, we’ll get there.” he whispered, pulling away from you. “Please, Joel. I need you,” you whined. 

He pulled further away and he crept to your buckle, his eyes searched yours for permission. “Go ahead,” you whispered with a nod, he turned his attention back to your pants. He fumbled a second with the button, then in the blink of an eye had the button undone and the zipper down and was pulling your pants off. 

They were down at your ankles and then they got tossed aside. Joel eyed your thigh and stomach like an animal waiting to pounce. The feeling of his rough calloused hands rubbing against your soft flesh sent waves of pleasure down your heart. 

A prominent wet patch formed on your panties. Joel's touch was both gentle and comforting. Your finger dove under his chin holding him to look at you. “I need you, please…” you repeated. God, you sounded so whiny. 

“M’gonna m’gonna, ya gonna need to be patient f’me,” he whispered before he started kissing the flesh of your thigh. The words alone send you gushing into your panties. His scratchy beard added another sensation all welcomed.

You clench around nothing desperate for pressure. After he was satisfied with making out with your thighs making sure you were nice and wet for him, he pulled away. You watched as he moved to the top of your cunt hovering just above you. His hot breath sent shivers up your spine.

You breathed out and his mouth collided with your clothed heat. He covered you with kisses, slowly but deep, and the passion grew in your lower belly. His fingers slowly hooked into your panties. He slowly dragged them down.

His eyes nearly bulged out of his head, your entrance was glistening with slickness. All for him. Had he really done that to you? “My god baby, you trying to kill me,” he whispered. His thumb slowly spreads you open, and his finger gently brushes you.

Your legs jolted and he knew he found your clit. He watches your face as he slowly begins to rub circles. Your eyes gleam over with love. He maintains eye contact. You slowly began leaking your pussy fluttering around nothing.

Joel licked a big stripe up gathering all your juices on his tongue. You let out a soft groan. He slowly began to stick his tongue in hitting your G-spot. “Wait-” you breathed out, smoothing your hand over his hair. 

He pulled away, lips glistening and pupils blown. His heart sank to his ass, what had he done? Why did he think he could do this? He wasn't any good, not anymore at least. Maybe he never was. 

“Can I take off your pants? But leave your boxers still on,” you asked with a sheepish smile. He blinks for a second before standing up. The world seems to rush up with him, he can feel you tugging at his belt but he gets so dizzy all he can do is slowly rub his thumb across your cheek as he looks down at you.

He could get used to this view. He begged you'd look real pretty down there, taking him in your mouth. The thought alone makes his cock jump, or maybe it was the cold air as you pulled his pants down. His hard cock begging to be released.

You don't answer his prayers as you scoot back on the couch with a content smile. Joel discards everything still left on him minus his boxers. His knees make a familiar pop as he settles back in between your legs. His kisses return and so does his tongue as he begins to re-light the fire growing in your belly. 

His hand flexes up to yours grabbing yours and putting you right on your clit. His strong arms wrap around your thighs, pinning your legs open. The cold sting of his watch sends a shiver up your spine. You rub your clit trying to keep up with his pace.

It was hard to keep in rhythm, your legs shook around his head and in his arms. You felt the coil threatening to snap and you couldn't take it anymore, you removed your hand and gripped your couch cushion. “Joel- I'm so close.” 

He hummed into your sex, your back tried to arch off the couch as he kept you pinned. Your legs shook as the coil snapped. Your orgasm deafening any other stimuli. “Ohhh fuck Joel.” you whimpered into the air.

After a second his ministrations stopped, and your legs were sore but a good kind of sore. The kind where you can feel pleasure for hours. You work to catch your breath as the older man on his knees for you slowly stands up. “Jesus.” is all you can say with a smile.

“Still got it in me huh?” he said, rubbing his jaw. “Oh no Joel you had it in me,” you whispered standing up to meet him. “Oh yeah?” he asked, letting you invade his space. “Yeah,” you whispered, pulling him into a kiss, your taste still on his tongue. You let out a small noise. “Taste yourself, baby? Sweetest pussy I've ever had.” and you moaned again. 

You needed his dick right now. 

Your fingers fumbled for the fabric of his boxers. They were hot and so was the rest of him. Chest tinged with a slight red color. You pulled down as you kissed him, and his hard member sprung up. Joel hissed inwards at the sudden cold air.

And Jesus was perfect. He was long, or at least longer than anyone you had ever seen in real life. And big. God, you were gonna feel this man in your toes. You looked up at him with a loopy smile. “Not too bad for an old man,” you mumble, your tease must have been good because at that moment his rigid cock jumped slightly up.

That was your cue to begin. Joel shot you a warning glance with his eyes, but a smirk tugged at his lips. You slowly begin to tease him, fluttering your hands around his hips and thighs. Before you can sink to the ground his strong hand gathers to the back of your head. He guides your head back up, and you're confused.

Worry starts to flood your system. You cock your head to the side trying to figure out why he wouldn't want you to suck his dick. He was already hard, he ate you out just moments ago… none of it was adding up in your brain.

“That's not how this is gonna work,” he says as his large hands find the sides of your arms. He gently moves you to the couch. You plop down, still confused. “Work? Work how?” you ask. “You don't needa suck m’off just cause I did what I did.” 

You shake your head with a smirk, “I don't need to do anything. I want to, Joel.” you mustered up your best puppy eyes. “No baby what ya’ need,” he starts walking towards you. Your knees hit the couch again as you flop down. His hand meets your knee, spreading your legs for him. “What you need is me in that pretty little cunt. She's begging for me,” he whispers in the last part.

Your mouth is slightly agape. Have you really just heard that? No way… right? Joel came down to meet you, his hands roaming your body tentatively. He lined himself up to your entrance.

“Sure you wanna do this with an old man? We can stop.” he reminds you. “No we can't,” you said

With a smile. “Yes, we can. This can end now. You don't have to do this.” and while his words were so sweet, you needed him to fuck you. “Joel, pleased I've waited so long for this,” you whispered. He nodded, positioning his hard length in you.

It felt like he was piercing you. As he pushed into you you mewled out. He instantly stopped,” You alright?” he asked his warm rough hands creating the greatest sensation in the world. “Mhm, just stings a little that's all,” you whispered nodding at him. Joel doesn't move his eyes searching for permission to keep going. 

“Go ahead, m’ ok.” you encouraged. He nodded pushing in about halfway, it was his turn to make a noise. You were so tight and warm and ready for him that he nearly keeled over at the feeling. God, he wasn't gonna last long. Once he pushed all the way in he dove down to kiss you. 

His hips began snapping against yours as your mouths melted together. You pulled away the feeling of his dick prodding your tummy become overpowering, to say the least. Your fingers scratched down his back leaving long traces in your wake. 

He breathed heavily, his forehead planted on yours. “Mm fuck me,” he muttered gathering your hair and yanking your head down to look at where the two of you met. To see you swallowing his cock whole. “Look at you, baby. Your-” he took a deep breath in. “Fuck, you're doing so good baby,” you whined out in response. 

Joel could feel his orgasm approaching. He gritted his teeth together, “Fuck! Come one baby m’ so close. Needa to come first. Make me all wet.” he cursed. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your throat. You were so close, he had fucked your brain quiet.

Any sort of thought beyond his dick, hands, or voice was a lost cause. The coil in your stomach snapped, your walls clenching around him violently. It was enough to draw out his orgasm. “Fuck.” you both whimpered as you clung to him.

[padded-piss-pup]

I decided I wanted to be diapered today so of course I had to ask my partner to put it on for me. After he did, he kissed me like he usually does and started talking about his day, but as he did so he put his hand on my crotch and started casually rubbing, acting like he didn't know what he was doing to me. I subtly (or not so subtly, as I would find out) started grinding my hips against his hand, trying not to let my expression betray how turned on I was. He finished talking and patted my diapered crotch, making me shiver, and told me he was going to leave me frustrated.

I drank a generous amount of water and soon enough I had to pee. Really bad. I was rocking back and forth and he noticed, asking me what was wrong. I blushed and told him I was trying not to pee. "So go pee!" His eyes flickered down to my crotch and I covered myself, feeling awfully exposed. I had to pee, but I didn't know if I could wet in front of him. He smiled and told me he would step out and use the bathroom to give me privacy and I felt so relieved. As soon as the door closed I started rocking back and forth, moaning, as I let the pee trickle out at first before becoming a steady stream. I shivered at the almost orgasmic pleasure of finally letting go, whimpering pathetically as my diaper rapidly expanded between my spread legs.

He came back and asked if I peed yet, and I was so embarrassed I covered my face before admitting it. He came over and patted my diaper, lightly groping it as he exclaimed "You did! Good job!" I was so flustered from the whole thing I couldn't stop blushing and trying to hide my face. He laughed at my embarrassment and then went back to gaming.

I drank some more water as he gamed, periodically taking hits of my dab pen until I felt warm and fuzzy. My desperation grew quickly and soon I was writhing and clenching my body, shuddering as I tried to keep the pee inside my body. After an hour of desperation I finally said "hey, I can't hold it much longer, do you want to watch?"

His eyes widened and he was instantly excited, but he was in the middle of a match. "I'll do my best to hold it until the end of the match" I said with a shaky voice. The next five minutes felt like an eternity, and my bladder spasmed when I heard the announcer say "Victory!"

He practically leapt out of his chair and rushed over to me, sitting in front of my splayed legs on the bed. I covered my face, embarrassed again, and he pointed out "This was your idea, I'm right here" and those were the words that broke my brain. Pee started gushing out of me as I whimpered, slowly uncovering my face to lean back in ecstacy. I met his eyes for a moment and saw him watching my diaper fill with a lustful look on his face. He reached out and felt my diaper as I peed, softly squishing and patting it. It was so hot feeling him grope me as I peed for what felt like an eternity. When I was finally done he patted my diaper affectionately and kissed me deeply while rubbing my crotch. I felt like I was burning with how horny I was, and I so desperately wanted him to keep rubbing but he stopped after a bit and gave me a quick kiss on my diaper. Then he went back to gaming, leaving me even more hot and bothered.

I've been lying in bed ever since and I can't stop wondering what else he'll do to tease me tonight. My diaper is getting fuller and fuller as I wait...

[momoswifee]

Love Bites - Hirai Momo

Pairing: Vampire!Momo x Reader

Synopsis: During the rain, your car breaks down. Good thing Momo seems to find you and offers her assistance!

Warnings: violence at the end, kind of gore-y since she's a vampire but nothing too explicit, some fluff, tried to make this spooky cuz Halloween but I'm not too sure, alcoholic drinks, kind of stalker behavior, biting, and it is suggestive.

w/c: 3878

a/n: Halloween fic!! I hope you guys like it! I always appreciate the input so feel free to give some!

Mainly doing this for @cry4mina cuz of her vampire fic so yeah (I kinda wanna do a part 2 cuz I really liked this and I honestly didn't do this justice, so maybe I'll rewrite this and give more info and expand the story later ^^)

You loved the rain. The sound of it, the smell that lingered in the air, it was all very comforting to you. You even liked to go for short drives while it rained, not a lot of people were in the streets, so it was very peaceful. Tonight, you should’ve gone against all of these thoughts and just stayed home. 

You had moved to a quieter town recently. Your job had been demanding, and you just needed a break from all the noise. Since it was raining, you decided to go on your little drives while it rained. It quickly proved to be a terrible idea when your car decided to stop working as you were nearing the lake, no houses, no people nearby to help. 

“Come on…” You say to yourself as you try calling the local mechanic, to no avail of course, since there was almost no signal. 

After about 20 minutes, you notice that the light rain had started to pick up and walking back to town was no longer an option. 

To your surprise, you notice a flash of headlights coming through your car, there was someone out there. 

You quickly get out of the car to signal your presence, not even caring about getting wet. Once the car stopped, you notice who it was from, and you wonder if it was smart of you to get out of the car so fast. 

“Miss L/n?” Momo asks surprised, not used to seeing people that far from the town on rainy days like these. 

Momo was from a family that had lived in that town for generations, but unfortunately, only she was left now. She was more of a loner, always in her own world, going to the city from time to time, but spending the majority of her time at her house by the lake. You didn’t know what she did for a living, but always just assumed that she was either very well off or had a job that she could do from home. 

It’s not that you were afraid of her, of course not. She had always smiled at you ever since you had moved into town and coincidentally happen to see her in the supermarket. You were just a little put off by her presence, you don’t really know how to explain it. 

Kids around town would tell stories about the Hirai family, how they never seemed to age and then suddenly disappeared. Silly ideas that they were supernatural, the most famous amongst them being that they were vampires. They could pass for it, with their perfect pale skin, almost shining when the light would hit them. 

“Is everything ok?” She steps out of the car, umbrella in her hand, quickly going to your side to shield you from the water. 

After hearing about what had happened she quickly offers to look at the car, with no success. It was very kind of her, bus she didn’t seem like the type who would know about cars. So instead, you let her drive you to her place, since it was already getting dark and the light rain seemed like it was turning into a storm. 

☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆

Momo was sweet, she tried to make conversation, maybe ease you into her presence. You weren’t sure of what to say, so at a certain point, she kind of just gave up and put on some music. 

Once you arrived at her house, she ushered you inside, not wanting you to get wet, and as soon as you had stepped inside, she was already handing you a towel for you to dry off. You couldn’t help but almost swoon at her considerate actions. 

“I know it’s a little weird to invite you to stay over like, this but it really seems like a storm is coming, I’m not sure if it would be safe for me to drive you home like this…” The older girl says as she sits next to you, putting the tea on the table. 

“I really appreciate you doing that, I was contemplating walking until I saw a car or even reached home, but I’m glad you saw me before I started walking,” You interrupt her softly, not wanting her to feel any type of negative emotion after taking you in and saving you from your precarious situation. “It was really nice of you to offer me to stay here.”

You both sit in silence, watching the drops of water fall into the river situated almost right in front of her house. It was beautiful. The whole setting brought you comfort, the cracking of the wood in the (seemingly) unused fireplace, the dim warm lighting, the view to the lake surrounded by the dark green vegetation… It was nice. 

As dinner approached, Momo volunteered to cook for you, you almost begged to help her, but she politely declined, saying that if you wanted you could set the table. Once she had brought out the food you saw that she didn’t have a plate, she claimed to not be hungry, that she had eaten plenty already. 

During dinner, you had learned that her older sister lived in a more rural area and didn’t visit much, same as her parents. She worked a finance job that allowed her to stay at home, that being the reason she wasn’t seen getting out of the town as much. As she kept talking about herself, you felt more at ease, she was calm and that was transferred to you as well. 

You told her about your previous job in the big city, how it had worn you down. You expressed your love for baking, how you were so happy to have had opened one in town. She listened attentive, promising to visit you sometime, telling you how much she loved to eat. 

It was getting late. The storm had quieted down and Momo had offered her bedroom for you to sleep in. She would’ve offered the guest bedroom, but it was up for renovation, she was worried that the smell of paint would be too much. You obviously declined, saying you had taken too much, you would gladly sleep on the couch. 

You were suddenly woken up by a slight bang and a little groan of annoyance. You lift up your head, vision still hazy from sleep and see Momo, towering over you, her eyes golden and with something dripping from her chin? Her features are sharper, she looks hungry. 

“Momo?” 

“Shh, it’s nothing, I just banged my knee when I was going to close the window, the wind got it open, you can keep sleeping…” she quickly says, looking away from you, with a tone so soft that it lured back to sleep almost instantly. 

☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆

Although Momo’s couch was big (and expensive) you woke up sore. Your body hurt in weird places, like your nape, the back of your arm, weird unsuspecting places. 

“The sky has cleared up, I can give you a ride whenever you’re ready.” You almost Jump out of your skin, you didn’t even hear her coming. “I’ve already called the mechanic and told him about the car.” She continues, with a small smile on her face once she notices she had scared you. 

Her face is soft, contrary to your previous encounter. Her eye were no longer that striking golden shade, but her normal sweet brown. Maybe you had dreamt it. 

You started to notice that every time you were close, her touch would linger longer. She would give you a cup of tea and her fingers would brush yours, once she was out the door to take you home, her hand sneaked up to your lower back, guiding you to the car, to which she opened the door and closed it gently as if not to startle you. This kindness was not something unusual, but it seemed like it had grown from an interaction that you were not a part of. 

“If you ever need something, don’t hesitate to call,” Momo says as she walks you to your door. “I really liked having you over, I hope we can get to know each other more in the future.” She offered you a shy smile, and quickly looked away, as if she was blushing, but you didn’t see a speck of the usual pink-ish hue come into her face. 

After biding your goodbyes, thanking her and making her promise to visit you at work, you went inside, anxious to see what was up with your body, checking to see why it hurt so much. As soon as you were in front of the mirror, you pulled your hair up and turned your neck as far as possible, trying to see if there was anything there. The only thing you saw was a little bruise, almost the size of a little caramel, nothing to worry about. The same was on your arm, just a tiny bruise. You figured it must have been your clumsiness around the kitchen. 

☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆

Some time went by, and you started seeing Momo around a lot more. She would sometimes come around your work, playfully begging for some of your baked goods, sometimes you would just be closing up and she would magically be passing by and accompany you to your car or even home. 

Every time you were together her hands you find your skin, she would trace your skin, almost tickling you from how light her touch was. Her hands were always cold, you weren’t exactly used to it, you were known to be a warm-blooded person, but you still welcomed her freezing touch every time, at a certain point longing for it. 

You had gone to her place once again, since it wasn’t raining, she had shown you her majestic garden. The threes, the flowers, it was all so well taken care of. She told you she had poured a lot of time into tending to them, that they were her pride and joy. You were smitten with her. The way her face would contort when she laughed, how her eyes turned into crescent moons every time she smiled had you floored. You were grateful for your rainy-day drives, for allowing you to meet Momo. 

You had started to hope it was Momo coming through the door of the bakery as soon as you heard the bell jingle. You never thought it would get like this, but who could blame you? A tall, kind, beautiful woman had taken interest in you, you were meant to start having a tiny crush, you only hoped it was reciprocated. 

Besides Momo’s visits, you had started to notice that you were behaving differently. You could’ve gone on your day without noticing it, but one day, as you were washing your face, you reached for your towel to dry off, only to not find her in the usual spot. It was in another hanger, one you never used to put towels. You found it weird, maybe this crush had started making you do things without thinking. You had also lost your favourite night shirt from your university days. Maybe you had left it at home with your parents, you’d have to ask them. 

The marks never appeared again, thankfully, it was definitely Momo’s couch. 

One day, Momo came early to your work. She seemed nervous. She couldn’t exactly look at you. “I was wondering if you were free tonight.” She finally lets out, after a minute of slight rambling. “I want to take you out to dinner.” 

You felt hot, sweating from the palms. She had asked you out. She couldn’t look at you still, preferring to look at the baked good displayed in front of her instead as she waited for your answer. 

“Where are you planning on taking me?” You finally choked out, your hand going to your neck instinctively feeling hot all over. What would you wear? Where was she taking you? How should you act? Did she like roses? Would she prefer a sweet or a more flowery scent? The questions ran through your mind, you didn’t even notice the big smile that had crept up on the woman’s face. 

“It’s a new restaurant, I’ve gone there, and I think you’d like it…” She says, composed again, her fingers searching for yours, playing with them, a small smile lingering on her face. 

Maybe your standards were too low, but the thought of Momo thinking you’d like something and inviting you there warmed your heart. After leaving you with a giddy goodbye and a small and fast kiss on the cheek, she left you alone in the bakery. You were going out with Momo. 

As soon as the clock hit 6, you were closing up and hurriedly going home to get ready. As you’re looking through your clothes, you spot your dark red satin shirt, and instantly know that you should wear that, leaving a couple buttons open. 

 ☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆

Momo’s eyes hadn’t left your frame since she had gone to pick you up. There was something different in the air, it seemed more charged. 

Momo’s eyes seemed lighter, you noticed as soon as your eyes landed on her. Her dark brown eyes were now a lighter shade, reminding you of the weird dream you had of her with a set of golden eyes. 

The restaurant was a quiet place, it was a small and cosy place on the edge of town. Momo was right, you think you fell in love with the place at first sight. 

You had been right to bring the satin shirt, Momo had not been able to take her eyes away, the buttons down had exposed your skin and maybe that’s what made her not look away. 

She spoke gently to you, listened to your stories, contributed to the conversation, everything was going perfectly. You noticed that, once again, she was not eating as much as you would expect, but that didn’t seem to faze you. 

“You look really nice,” she says, her eyes fixed on yours. “I’m really happy you accepted to come on this date.”

“I’ve actually been thinking about asking you out too…” you say, growing shy after your confession, to which you receive a soft smile. 

The dim lighting in the restaurant contributed to making your date even more perfect. The lack of the harsh lighting made Momo’s skin look almost a milky gold, it paired perfectly with her soft features. 

Although the company was perfect, it kept getting interrupted by a flirty younger waiter. He seemed to be a good guy, but his insistence on hitting on you every time he would come to your table was getting annoying, especially for Momo, who seemed like she, if she was allowed to, would kill him for interrupting your first date. 

After dinner, she asked if you wanted to go to her house since it was closer, or if you’d prefer if she dropped you off at your place. You almost instantly said that you wanted to go to hers. You know, since it was closer. 

Her fingers drew little shapes on your tight as she drove, only stopping when she reached for your hand to kiss your knuckles. Your breathing was uneven, and you kept your eyes on her the whole ride. The night casting some shades on her face, enhancing her jawline, making her look even more ethereal. 

She offers you a drink as soon as you’re home. Her eyes staring at your wine-stained lips, making her subtly wet her own. She knows that if she touches you, she wouldn’t be able to contain herself. You offer to clean the glasses, it was getting late, and you wanted to spend some quality time with her. 

The hot water on your fingers was nothing compared to the flush on your face. The look the older girl was giving throughout the night almost had you in shambles. It seemed like she was doing it without even noticing as well, making you even needier for her touch, even if it was the usual brush of fingers. 

“Hm tonight was fun right?” You hear as she approaches you. You look back and see she had shed from her coat, now having her arms showing off. Suddenly a cold hand slides to your hips. “Do you need any help?” It comes out in a whisper, and you can’t find it in you to answer. It all feels so intimate. You only shake your head and muster a “go settle on the couch” along with a promise of joining her soon. 

Soon enough, you’re on the couch with her, a movie playing with very low volume in the background. You’re not exactly paying attention, it seems like a horror movie, you’re only focused on how close she is to you, how her hand is on your tight, and how she is also not paying attention to the movie but softly looking at your side profile. 

“Do you not like the movie?” You croak out. 

A “Hm, yeah,” comes lazily out of her. “You’re too distracting, though, I just can’t seem to pull my eyes away from you.”

You go to have a look at her, a joke about her being cheesy on the tip of your tongue, but as soon as you turn your head, you're faced with Momo softly looking at you. Her bangs a little messy, some strands covering her eyes. Your fingers move without you thinking, sorting the hairs out, her skin ice-cold. Your eyes locked on hers. None of you blinking. 

You feel her inch closer towards you, your heart skips a bit when you feel her knee brush against yours.  Her hand comes to your face, gently tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“This shirt has been driving me crazy all night,” She whispers, her index finger trailing down your neck. 

“Yeah?” You whisper, she’s so close you can feel her breath mixing with yours. 

Your gaze flickers down to her lips, but you still catch her as she wets her lips. Your hand moves slowly to the back of her neck, and you let your fingers run through the baby hairs. 

“I really want to kiss you,” She whispers, noses already touching, her hand on your thigh, softly caressing it. 

Without waiting any more, she closes the small gap separating you two, her mouth softly pressed into yours, a bit shyly at first, but you quickly pull her in by her nape, making it all go away. You’ve dreamt of this. Of her lips on yours. It was much better than imagined. 

“You don’t know what you do to me…” she whispers, breaking away from you. “This is embarrassing to admit, but I’ve dreamt about the moment I’d be able to kiss you.” 

She knows how to make you melt, how can she say things like that and not expect you to react. So, you do. You pull her in by her neck, surprising her, kissing her more desperately. Her hands now moving to your waist, trying to pull you as close as she can. She needs to feel you. 

She pulls you into her lap, and starts leaving lazy kissing along your jawline, quickly moving further down. 

Suddenly she stops. “It’s like you’re torturing me.” Comes in a strangled whisper. 

You don’t say anything, you just wait for her to elaborate. Instead, she looks up at you, hazy eyed, almost blind by the effect you have on her, her pupils dilated. 

“This drove me crazy all night,” She says, her index finger trailing down your neck. She brushes her lips along your skin and takes in a sharp inhale. She starts peppering kisses there, her fingers pressing into the now exposed skin on your hip, making you pant softly. You feel her smirk into you. 

You just want to feel her lips on yours again, you need her. Instead, you start to feel something…sharp. “I need you…” She whispers before you feel a sting on your neck. 

It doesn’t bother you, you need more so you turn your head more to the side, trying to give more room for her to do as she pleases, and because of that you hear her let out a groan. 

Her hand grabs your chin, pulling it down for you to meet her lips once again. You feel her tongue and a new metallic taste come into your mouth. You moan at the combinations of her lips passionately moving against yours and her freezing hand going up your back. 

You groan in displeasure as soon as she breaks the kiss once again. 

“Don’t be like that,” she laughs kissing your cheek. “I just wanted to know if maybe you’d want to move to a more comfortable place?” She hesitantly says, seeming shy, but before you can even finish saying yes, she’s already picking you up and leading to your bedroom. 

 ☪︎ ִ ֶ֢࣪⋆

You’re playing with the sun ring Momo had on her nightstand. She had explained how important it was that she had it, how it helped her withstand the sun. 

The whole revelation of her vampiristic side, about how she had been trying for months to get used to your smell so that she wouldn’t hurt you, had hit you like a ton of bricks. How had you missed it? Of course you were mad, you had a nasty bruise on your neck because of her bite, but that could be covered in make up for the time being. 

You were still in a state of disbelief. She had said she refused to eat anyone, she survived off normal food, maybe animal blood, but that this sudden need to bite you, to drink your blood, to consume you had come out of nowhere. It did explain a lot, especially the reason why she was so cold all the time. 

“You like that?” Momo asks, getting out of the shower, wet hairs sticking to her face. You hum in response, not sure of what to even say. 

“I know you’re freaked out,” she says, flopping next to you, the heat radiating from her skin because of the shower feeling very odd to you. “And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. I hope you do, but I understand if you don’t.”

You’re still confused. She is a vampire. A whole immortal being. You had slept with an immortal being who drank blood. You would try your best to understand, nonetheless.

After reassuring her that you just needed some time to assimilate everything, you decided to take a shower yourself. As you go to pick out some clothes, you hear Momo quickly get up from behind you. 

“Wait, not that drawer!”

Too late. There, neatly folded, was your university shirt. The one you had lost. There was also one of your towels, little trinkets from your place. You’re frozen in place, cold sweat starting to form at the base of your neck. 

“That was not for you to see,” she sighs, closing the drawer from behind you, pressing her once again gelid front against your naked back. “Too bad.” She says, before everything goes dark.

[4dkellysworld]

Some suggested practices or experiments from Robert Adams

Be totally silent for a day - Do you think you can do it? Just for one day, tomorrow, be silent. Do not say a word to anybody. Try to spend that day by yourself if you can. If you have to go to work for a living, if you have to go to work, be silent in your mind. Now here's how you work this: if you have to talk to your employees or your employer, talk to them but shut it out of your mind. Do not entertain what you say. Get rid of it immediately after you finished. If you talk about a work problem, resolve the problem and then go back to silence. In other words do not carry it with you. Do not carry it with you at all.

Sit in silence as much as possible for a week - Isn't it better just to sit still at home in the silence and stop the mind from thinking? That's the easiest way, it's the best way, it's the simplest way. If you don't believe me, try it. Try it for a week and see what happens. For one week I would like you to experiment. I don't want you to read any book. Think you can do it? Don't look at any spiritual literature. Just sit by yourself as much as you can. And watch your mind, watch your mind. Do whatever you have to do to slow down your mind and then you're going to be amazed. You will laugh at yourself. For when the mind becomes quiescent, reality will rush in. And you'll see it's so simple, it’s so simple. Why didn't I know this all the time? I used to believe by reading volume after volume I'll become enlightened. But it was so easy, I just had to quiet my mind.

Identify as I-AM as you wake up - If you ask yourself when you go to sleep, you tell yourself, "Tomorrow morning as soon as I open my eyes I am going to identify with my source, I-am," and you will, even if for a second, it will change your life. First thing when you open your eyes, ask yourself. “Who am I?” Just put this question and see what will happen to you. You'll feel something different. But you'll have to do it every morning. Just try it and see what happens. You'll see Oneness. Keep asking yourself, “Who am I? Who am I?” when you first get up. As you keep on doing this every morning, every morning, every morning, the time between your awakening and the thought coming to you will become larger that space will expand, and expand, and expand until you are able to stay in the awareness. Of course at that time there will no longer be a "you". There will only be the awareness. Try it, you have to investigate. You have to intelligently dive deep within yourself and find the source of your I.

I-AM meditation for one day - You relax your body and you inhale and you say "I," and you exhale and you say "am, I-am". You can do this while you're waking, while you're walking, while you're washing dishes, while you're resting. What it does is it makes your mind one pointed, so it'll stop thinking. If you can practice I-am for one day, just one day, all of your troubles will be transcended. You will feel happiness you've never felt before. You will feel a peace that you never even knew existed. As you keep practicing I-am, your thoughts will become less and less. Your personal self will go into the background and you will begin to feel an inner joy, an inner bliss. You will begin to feel that it no longer matters what I am going through. It makes no difference, because it is God who is going through this, not me. And God has no problems. You automatically become happy, just by using the I-am meditation.

Love your Self every day - Begin to love your Self. I know that's really hard for some of you to do. To really love your Self, to love the Self which is really you. Try standing in front of the mirror and giving love to yourself. Some of you will not be able to do this. I'll bet there are people here who look in the mirror and they don't even want to look at themselves. They can't look at themselves for a whole minute in the mirror. Try it and you'll see what I mean. For when you look in the mirror, see God, not the physical appearance. See light shining from you, see bliss, see pure awareness, see total emptiness, see your Self. Begin to practice this exercise. Looking in the mirror, begin for maybe a minute, then you go on to two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, five minutes. Look at yourself. Admit the truth to yourself. "I am Brahman. I am the ultimate reality. I am boundless space. I am the atman, the perfect intelligence, the one without the other, all-pervading, perfect self." What if you told yourself this everyday? What do you think would happen? If you looked in the mirror and did this every day, you would turn into the God that you are. And you will find peace, total peace, total love.

Keep your mind on God all day - You will not think about your work or the food that you're going to eat during the day or what you're going to wear. But try to keep your mind clear, free. But you will watch yourself. You will see that you get up out of bed. You put on the right clothes. You eat your breakfast like you're supposed to. You go out into the world and do whatever you're supposed to do. But you're not part of it anymore, mentally. Your mind is on God. Your mind is on the absolute reality. Your mind is on perfection. Your mind is still and quiet. Yet you will continue to do what you have to do. You will no longer have to watch the clock or watch space and time. Leave everything alone and everything will happen by itself in a beautiful way. Try it.

Surrender completely - Perfect surrender is when you give up everything, everything to God including your body. Do what you want with me. Do what you want with my body, with my mind, with my affairs, with everything. Not my will but thine. If you can surrender like this you're already free. Try it, it's hard, because you're afraid what will happen after you do that. You believe everything will be taken away from you. This is human thinking. Stop being human. Surrender yourself and become totally free.

Be with your Sage all day long - When you're home, where you're working, think of the Sage. When you think of the sage's form, the sage's name, things will begin to happen to you. Find peace. Try it. Then you will be with the Sage continuously. Whenever you think of a living Sage, the Sage becomes part of your heart, it’s the complete heart and you feel the love of the Sage within you. So if you think of the Sage, the Sage will think of you. Whatever you think about, that you become ultimately. So you have to be very careful what you think about. Whatever you think about, you become. Think of the Sage, you become the Sage.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hi Nicholas! Did you have any anxious feelings or fear pre-top surgery? I'm thinking about scheduling surgery but am very afraid about complications, dying under anesthesia etc etc. Would really appreciate any advice from your (or your followers) who have gone under the knife!

Heya!

I had some pretty significant reconstructive surgery when I was 19 -- a skin expander balloon was implanted under my scalp and inflated weekly with saline for some months to stretch out enough skin to then remove a tumor on my forehead. (You can see a faint diagonal scar across my left temple in some photos.)

So, once top surgery came around 20 years later, I was already familiar with not only general surgery and having a drain, but my anesthesia reaction.

Since top surgery, I have had 2 colonoscopies and an endoscopy.

Here's the thing to make it easier -- tell your care team your concerns, no matter how trivial. They will be grateful to have someone polite and scared, rather than the usual belligerent crap they have to put up with.

I ask what everything does. I let the nurses know an IV line in my hand freaks me out. I ask for an extra blanket when I wake up (I will be shivering like a chihuahua) and to not be flat on my back in the bed (triggers my sleep paralysis). I let folks know I'll likely want to vomit and will try to get out of the bed far too soon, and I'm so sorry in advance for being irritable when I wake up, but that it will also be very funny because I am absolutely a wet cat of a man in that state.

Modern day anesthesia works FAST. It is a light switch, and you will not be aware of going under. And prior to that, your IV drip should be feeding you anti-anxiety meds, so that those first few minutes of them transferring you to The Table are only a strange and not unpleasant disassociation.

Everyone's surgery experiences are different, and those have been mine. Complications do happen, and I had some minor ones, but that's why having an accessible care team and followups is important. So you can ask questions and not be shrugged off.

And wrt to dying -- to give yourself peace of mind, make sure folks know your wishes, how to get into your accounts, etc. Research advanced directives and medical power of attorney. It is a good idea to be prudent and maybe that will help calm your nerves if folks depend on you financially or something.

Now, what I *wasn't* prepared for was my spike in top dysphoria between booking my surgery and getting it. I was really starting to lose my mind near the end (despite being small chested with good binders), and I'm not really prone to that kind of anxiety. So, prepare to navigate that more than anything else, imo.

Other folks are welcome to chime in. But tldr; once you are hooked up, you will not care. It's everything up until that point for which you need to work on staying calm. Good luck!

[dramaticallytotal]

If you want, can you expand protective Chris & Chef with alenoah (any au). Hope you have a good one 👍

Definitely! I'll do it for I'm Back in the Game, Except Not Really.

__________

Protective Chris & Chef: IBITGENR Edition

I'm gonna throw some general headcanons in along with the alenoah ones.

• As soon as Noah was eliminated, Chris showed him the room he and Chef put together for the teen on the staff level of the plane since they didn't trust any of the former contestants to not try and get clues or something from Noah now that he's no longer in the game. (Especially Alejandro, Heather, Courtney, and Duncan)

• They make sure he is fed and taking his medication and warm! They can't have their ki- assistant not in peak condition!

• Chef makes him carry a taser, pepper spray, a pocket knife, a cat eye defense keychain, a key that is really a knife, a whistle, a panic button, and a flare gun on him at all times. Noah may have gained muscle and such from his time as Chris's assistant, and his weight is finally getting to a healthy limit but that don't mean he's leaving his boy with nothing to defend himself. (Chef has acknowledged that he sees Noah as a son and is trying to get him husband to realize he also sees the snarky boy as his son).

• Chris is in constant contact with Noah's mom, Abbi. The two got close once Noah became an intern in season one. It was them getting close that made Noah's time as an intern short, and he was quickly promoted to assistant. Not because of favoritism or anything but because, look as much as people like to say Chris doesn't have a heart, he does, and their family situation got to him.

• Noah's mom and dad were in the process of getting a divorce during Island. Noah didn't know until after the show was over since they aren't allowed to contact anyone outside of the competition but Chris had gotten in contact with Abbi to ask her permission to hire her son as an intern. Abbi agreed, and it was during one of their talks where they were hashing out all the details that he heard a fight break out between Abbi and who he learned was Noah's dad Mason.

It was about Noah.

Specifically his conduct on the show. Mason had been ranting how it was Abbi's fault Noah didn't turn out like a "correct" man, and him losing was because she coddled him. Chris unwillingly heard everything and how it came out that Mason was the reason Noah wasn't as close to his sisters as he had once been. Mason had apparently gotten in his head and continuously compared Noah to his sisters in an effort to "motivate" him.

It got to the point that Noah stopped interacting with his sisters. They found this out at the same time Chris and Abbi did as apparently Mason couldn't keep his thoughts to himself and said anything and everything that came to mind. It ended with Abbi calmly saying she wanted a divorce.

The next time they were in talks with each other, Abbi broke down and confessed to Chris that Mason agreed to the divorce, but on the condition, he gets custody of Noah. During this time, Chris had already grown fond of Noah, so he was worried how all of this would affect the boy. So he helped Abbi find a good lawyer.

Mason's lawyer was going to use Noah's medical history and Abbi's work hours as a way to get custody and basically say Noah needed a parent who could take care of him whenever possible and not a parent with one of the busiest schedules as Abbi had always had a big workload. Mason was trying to make it seem like Noah needed care and was unable to do things on his own.

Chris's brilliant plan was to then hire Noah as an assistant instead so Abbi could show the courts he's more than able to work and provide for himself if needed. (Mason isn't the smartest person despite having a PHD. and being a professor.)

• Then Noah found out about the divorce after Island wrapped up, and Action was underway, and Chris got worried as the kid just threw himself into his work.

It took a lot of talks and more heart-to-hearts than Chris liked to get the kid to talk about how he was feeling and go get him to contact his mom and sister. Thankfully, Chef was there, and he was definitely a better listener than his husband.

• Unfortunately, the custody case ended up requiring they go to court, and Noah gave a statement. Chris and Chef were there the entire time, and through it, they found themselves close to the Mudaliar family. Therefore, they feel very protective of Noah after everything. [I might expand on this in a separate post, but this is canon in all my aus. Mason isn't the best nor the worst dad, just a really misguided one and in some aus he does genuinely try to be apart of his kids lives after the divorce but in others he just stops being there. This is one of them.]

_____ (moving on!)

• The first time Chris and Chef see Alejandro try and talk to Noah, they always end up having something for him to do. How weird.

• They are also not a fan of the intern who has been flirting with their boy either! But there's not much they can do there because they are low on interns and aren't allowed to fire anymore.

• Though they definitely distract him with meals (family dinners as Chef would say).

• They make sure Noah wears thermals under his normal clothes and jacket, and hat, and scarf, and gloves, when he was out during the Sweden challenge.

• They also noticed that despite their efforts, Alejandro managed to talk to Noah and even got him to smirk! And chuckle! How dare he after he so ruthlessly voted off their boy! (Nevermind the part where they planned it.)

• When Noah is in charge and directing people in view of the cast, Chris makes sure Alejandro somehow gets water dumped on him or tripped or something because he does not like the look in that boy's eyes as he ogled at Noah.

• Alejandro and Noah were getting closer, and once it was the wedding challenge and Alejandro asked Chris if he could switch Heather for Noah, Chef and Chris nearly threw him off the cliff. Noah had blushed

• Thus, the China challenge happened. It was supposed to be something different, but Chef had recalled how Alejandro had gagged when he ate his Candy Fishtails, so he convinced his husband to do a food competition. Chris was all for it! (No Chef helping Blainley cheat in this au)

The two watched how grossed out Alejandro was for the entire challenge back in their room and laughed maniacally.

• Chris and Chef ban Noah from appearing anywhere near the Rapa Nui challenge, given he's a freaking Disney princess, and the condors would probably mistake him as their chick and kidnap him.

• They somewhat accept Alejandro after the boy protected Noah from the plane explosion since Chris and Chef weren't close enough to do so themselves.

[greenfiend]

rach your byler unpopular opinion post is so fascinating. big brain moves. plz keep sharing more unpopular opinions or expanding on them cuz i'm eating it up! 💛💚🩵🧡💜😆💅🏽🫂

Lex! Thank you!

Honestly, I can go on for days expanding on the importance of Will's sexual identity/self-esteem/trauma etc to the entire narrative of the show.

Opening doors is a common motif throughout the show, and it all leads back to Will.

The door/the gate represents: his openness to the world/his sexuality... and uhhh... his "backdoor". (<- click the link for info on that... TW for mentions of sex and CSA)

The importance here is that Will needs to open his door on his own terms. Obviously just like a queer person needs to chose when they come out of the closet. For Will so far, unfortunately, it has been opened several times without his consent.

Lets break it all down:

Season 1: The gate is open and Will is trapped in the UD (deep in the closet symbolically). The gate being open = Will is exposed. Compromised. We know this because everyone in town seems to be aware that he's gay.

Season 2: The gate is open once again, correlated with the bullying Will receives from his classmates. They remind him once again that his identity is compromised. Mike also reminds him too, but in a good way. The gate is closed at the end of the season and we see Will dancing with a girl.

Season 3: Okay. THIS SEASON!! Bare with me on this one okay? It gets a bit insane... "The Russians" are trying to open a gate in Hawkins. Now. I believe the Russians represent Mike. The Russians are saying they need "more time", and right after that we see a photo of Mike with this line from a song playing "just a little more time will open closing doors". Now. Mike is NOT being malicious here okay? His presence in Will's life just keeps reminding Will of his own sexuality. He is "The Key" to Will's door, thus is leading to his "door"/"the gate" opening. Will is NOT READY, so the gate only partially opens... then it is FORCED SHUT BY WILL'S OWN MOTHER TO PROTECT HIM! But uhh yeah. The whole Russian operation this season is inspired by the movie Inside Out!!! I could go on but I'll stop for now...

Season 4: So, Will is separated physically from Mike but is not able to separate himself from his sexuality (and his love for Mike). He's coming to terms with it, slowly. More gates are opening up... After Will decides to "rip off the bandaid" and admit his feelings under a disguise... the gates/doors open up even more. The "bandaid" was covering his sexuality (on a meta level to the audience) but now he's really really exposed. POSSIBLY even exposed to Mike now too.

Season 5: Will will be more explicitly gay this coming season, with his "door" fully exposed and open. My theory though is that the gates/door will be FULLY CLOSED OFF at some point. This will be really bad because Max will be trapped on the other side and others possibly as well. The "door" will need to open. Will will need to find a way to accept himself then allow Mike to open that door as "The Key". When I say that Mike will help open the door, I mean that literally (a portal door), figuratively (the closet door), and uhh this way too.

I have an idea of how this will all play out using quite a bit of evidence from the show. LONG post on that coming soon!

On Mike: No, Mike is not just simply Will's love interest. He is struggling as well, but not in the same way. I do think that he will accept himself first though, and "give [Will] the courage to fight on."

[eybefioro]

This is my first artwork for the FTH event! It's a stunning scene from @dbacklot99 fic, "Collapse". Highly recommend checking it out!!!

Thank you mods for organising the event, and thank you Db for this prompt 💛💛 it was such a gift to draw this and to read it!

@goodomensafterdark @fth2025fanworks

(time lapse and other ramblings under the cut)

AAAAAAAAAAAA THIS FIC IS SO GOOD. So sad (in a way that I love) but also so profoundly hopeful. It's LOVELY. And this scene right here is such a powerful one! A bit of a spoiler, so skip it of you don't want any:

The sun was dying. The sky above was red and ominous, most of it blocked out by the inflamed star. This was not as far in the future as most humans had thought; the life cycle of the sun was a joke the cosmologists never got. Aziraphale found Crowley, his black wings casting shadows on the sand, sitting near a faint mound where one could just possibly imagine a wall had stood long, long ago. He sat down next to him. “Crowley?”

Crowley kept staring up. He was holding the space between the sun and the Earth in a frozen pocket of time. “It'll be over soon, you know? Once I let it go, a few hours maybe and the sun will expand, consume everything, then collapse in on itself."

So, soooo beautiful. I hope I was able to do it justice 💛

I had so much fun playing with the colours here, testing stuff out, making the sun look angry. I really wanted the red to pop, and for that I put some purple on the corners, made the colours as saturated as I could... there's actually a bunch of orange there too, to try to give the sky depth (hope it worked!!).

There were many things that challenge me in this one (it was awesome!). I never drew a desert before, and gosh it is difficult. it's all about light and shadow do make the dunes look like dunes, and it was so satisfying when I finally saw the desert and not just a jumble varying shades of yellow!

I once again tried to do some funky stuff with the perspective, and once again wasn't that satisfied with it. It's better than my other attempts, but it lacks the oompth (lol) that I was looking for. I really wanted it look like we caught things mid action, like the "camera" was zooming in and we paused on one of the frames in between... lots of action and energy, with the shapes warped because of it and well. It looks nothing like that XD Still, I think the end result looks cool and I'm getting closer of being able to do that and draw epic-looking action scenes.

Because of my choice of point of view, Aziraphale was so hard to draw. I was sweating making him look right 😂 I really wanted him to look nervous wringing his hands, to be truly sad... and I'm really surprised that both their expressions are working! I'm really happy with that :D

Sad demon and angel :c

I once again have to thank Elen for teaching me how to draw WIIIINGGGZZZZZ. I have so much fun doing them... I still have lots to learn about them, ofc, but I feel like every time I draw wings following her advice they look a liiitle nicer, I get a liiitle better.

I'm beyond happy to be participating in the FTH event. Best decision that I took this year. Anyways. I'll stop rambling now. Go read Db's fic, it's awesome!!! 💛💛💛

[leportraitducadavre]

Ino and Sakura

It's often said that Sakura cut off her ties with Ino for more reasons than just Sasuke. For some fans, she even did it because Ino was pushing her down purposefully in order to be always on top.

In that sense, and while this post has been written in another response, the other one will soon become a monster too huge to control, so I'll leave this here for better access and to better expand their relationship for those who are interested.

A warning you should know: Many images are shown while others are linked (pay attention to the underlined-bold words, they'll guide you to the image analyzed).

Despite the claims introduced before, on the panels we were shown their previous relationship during their childhood at no point did Ino seem to downgrade Sakura -either physically or mentally-, on the contrary, she's constantly shown trying to lift her spirits, like when she complements her looks:

Let the world see that pretty face!! Strike a pose!

At no point did Ino downgrade Sakura or put herself above; telling Sakura to show confidence doesn’t automatically put her in a higher position in their friendship.

To explain myself further: providing help when someone needs it isn’t the same as putting oneself in a morally or physically superior position. Their relationship is of equals regardless of Ino supplying emotional support. The fact that Sakura inwardly elevates Ino's relevance in their dynamic isn’t Ino’s responsibility as everything Sakura thinks of Ino is never expressed (translated, Ino isn't aware of her position inside their friendship, as she's never told her relevance). Furthermore, Ino never states that she considers herself attractive or prettier than Sakura herself, every time they speak on the matter Ino tells Sakura to be more confident as she has a "pretty face".

Him! Hah! He just struts around, acting like he’s so cool.

At no moment does Ino seem upset at Sakura for liking the same boy, in fact, she chooses to lie about how she feels for Sasuke in order not to start a conflict. This is, of course, not specified in canon, but since Ino doesn't display her feelings for Sasuke and, quite the contrary, she criticizes him, it's safe to assume she lied about her feelings.

And even if Ino is upset about Sakura liking the same boy as her, something that is neither expressed nor shown, she doesn’t act around it.

Furthermore, Sakura engages in conversations with Ino about Sasuke (Hey, Ino! Sasuke seems to like girls with long hair, so I’m going to grow mine…) and it doesn’t seem as if Ino dismisses the subject out of jealousy.

Everyone says you’re after Sasuke too, Ino…

I'm aware that some fans, specifically S//S and Saku-Ino fans, claim that Sakura assumed Ino liked Sasuke and Ino, in retaliation, started to like him back to make Sakura jealous (?), however, unlike those fans who think Ino's whole character revolves around Sakura (she is, indeed, a supporting character of her, but she outgrew her role to the point where she's barely seen with Sakura after the Chünin Exams) I do believe that Ino truly liked Sasuke and that she was indeed surprised by Sakura having equal feelings for him.

[I will here say that, personally, those who diminish Ino's feelings for Sasuke to use that "lesser" type of love (there's nothing like a "lesser" type of love, there're different ways to love someone. Caring for someone romantically doesn't reflect equally on each individual), as a justification why Sakura "deserved" Sasuke are carrying a sexist view inside their reading of the manga: Cartoon or not, Ino is still a representation of a woman yet, for them, she isn't as valuable as Sakura because she loved Sasuke in a different manner she did.

They're measuring Ino, Karin, and even Sakura's value by the way they display their respective feelings for a man.

In the same manner, Karin, who shows more sexual desire for Sasuke (I will not deny her romantical feelings, but she is clearly more driven by her sexual interest in him), is not less of a woman or less deserving of being with him because of the nature of her feelings.

There's no such thing as a "suffering-meter" that determines which character suffered the most out of love and, therefore, who deserves a happy ending with the object of their affection. That not only links love's nature primarily to suffering but also measures a person's romantic value in terms of how much pain they can endure (either for their significant other or provoked by their significant other).]

Again, Ino doesn’t act around her feelings for Sasuke (in the next flashback Ino -despite knowing Sasuke likes girls with long hair, keeps her own hair short) nor around her friend's attraction.

It was Sakura the one who decided to break their friendship because someone (unspecified) told her Ino liked Sasuke in the same way she did.

This is how we learn about their breakup:

Chapter 53

If it's true... that makes us rivals!

Keep in mind that, until then, we only knew Ino was Sakura’s rival, it's Shikamaru the one that introduces the idea of Sakura and Ino being best friends once, and we have these panels to understand a little bit more about their prior relationship.

This rumor is, in fact, truthful as they do become rivals -so why would Ino allow this break-up if she truly didn't like Sasuke? It makes absolutely no sense, meaning that this theory of Ino faking her attraction to Sasuke is completely false, as she canonically is infatuated with him. Furthermore, when confronted, she chooses not to lie about her romantic interest in him to Sakura. The expression of Ino when hearing Sakura’s words is “uh-oh!”, which means she was keeping her feelings secret from her friend.

In chapter 54, we have a sneak peek at Sakura’s development as a ninja: After Naruto and Sasuke fight Orochimaru (and pass out), and Lee sacrifices his well-being in order to save her from the Oto team, Sakura cuts her hair as to free herself from Kin’s hold. Up to this point, we know this part is significant because of what Sakura thinks before doing it, but by Ino’s reaction, there’s something far deeper going on (Hey, Ino! Sasuke seems to like girls with long hair, so I’m going to grow mine…).

Her attack against Zaku isn't successful and, after barely hurting him, she has no more energy to continue (so she bites him). And here's when we have Ino’s flashback:

Chapter 54 - The flashback continues but all have been addressed previously.

The rivalry was started solely by Sakura. There’s no denying that Ino took up on that rivalry and started to act consequentially, but she wasn’t the one initiating it.

"I noticed your hair is lot longer, Ino" "What is it to you, Sakura?!!"

Let's acknowledge something, in this specific panel, it was Sakura who started their interaction (in a hostile manner, also) because she wanted to tell Ino about her position in Team 7.

She assumed Ino grew her hair long because of Sasuke -it isn't clear when was their fallout, but it must have been years prior to their graduation, so either they didn't see each other as much (or at all) since they went their separate ways, or Ino grew her hair long shortly after the beginning of the show, so there were at least a few years after their breakup when she still has her hair short.

It's safe to assume Ino did, in fact, keep her hair long for Sasuke's sake, yet it's not confirmed she did so to appeal to him, as she keeps growing it after his departure and it's shown how most people of her clan have their hair in a ponytail style, including her father.

So Ino, you'll never beat me now.

Despite some translations stating that Sakura said “I won’t lose to you anymore” (we were shown at no point in the manga how Sakura exactly lost against Ino), the official translation states otherwise -Sakura never exactly “lost” against Ino, nor Ino against Sakura.

Sakura's statement is based on Sasuke being on the same team as her, therefore, for this fact alone, Ino will never "win". Their whole rivalry is based on Sasuke. Now that Sakura is assigned to the same team as him, she has a better chance of winning his romantic reciprocation, therefore, Sakura's prospects are better than her rival's, which makes her the sole winner.

Yet, regardless of their mutual hostility, Ino still jumps to save her former friend, which means that she still has a deep connection with Sakura. Her face when remembering their childhood was a deeply troubled one, perhaps even mournful. In addition, by this point, Sasuke is unconscious: He isn’t able to see Ino’s heroic act, something Ino is aware of yet acts as if that is the sole reason why she jumped in.

After the fight, we have these panels:

To put some context: Naruto asks Sakura who “these guys are” when seeing Shikamaru, Chöji, Lee, and Ino; and after Sakura “thanks them”, Ino thinks that she’s selling herself short. Ino is shown constantly either telling Sakura or thinking of her as someone pretty and capable yet still self-conscious, even tho Sakura would have likely died had Ino and Team 10 not intervened, as Sasuke awoke after their tactic failed. Ino and Team 10 were saved by Team Gai and Sasuke, not Sakura.

During their fight in the preliminary rounds (CH 71), Sakura is particularly cruel:

First of all, she claims control and power of decision-making over a boy who has rejected her advances twice and who's not even present at the moment (he could, and honestly would, easily deny them both of the romantical reciprocation they sought). She starts their fight by trying to downgrade both Ino’s self-esteem (physically) and status in their “rivalry” (which she claims is now non-existent, as Sakura is the "winner" by being in the same team as Sasuke) -Ino’s words are a response to Sakura’s attitude.

[Kakashi saying that Sakura isn’t mean doesn’t make it automatically true -first, Kakashi doesn’t know Sakura that well as to claim she wouldn’t bully a person just because (she often displayed such an attitude towards Naruto during their first interactions, particularly when she told Sasuke that Naruto was annoying because he was parentless, Kakashi saw and knew none of that). Second, what he knows about Ino and Sakura’s relationship is what he read on a piece of paper -he knows nothing about how they actually interacted, nothing about their “power imbalance”, and, furthermore, he does nothing about Sakura’s insecurities -he hoped that Sakura would come around when the Chünin Exams came, but the whole reason she did so was because of Sasuke’s support.]

Sakura internally acknowledges Ino’s relevance in her life (1 and 2) yet none of that is actually told to Ino -who’s left in the dark. The last impression she possesses of Sakura is about her not being good enough to maintain a friendship outside their respective crushes on the same boy. Sakura, even without them being friends, still seeks Ino’s acknowledgment -the only one who is then made to do something for their relationship is Ino.

Personal opinion: Sakura hasn’t surpassed Ino. Much less at this point in the manga.

It’s Sakura the one who makes their rivalry just about Sasuke (here), while Ino states that she will not allow her to “show her up” (thus, for her, it seems to be more than just their shared crush on a boy, even during Asuma's last speech he tells her not to allow Sakura to win in "ninjutsu and love"), Sakura solely focuses on being on the same team as Sasuke as a signal of superiority; something she did absolutely nothing to gain as it was mere luck:

The teams are to be balanced and that’s why they put the dead last (Naruto) with the Rookie of the Year (Sasuke), there’s no canonical mention of Sakura’s part in the matter. The belief that she was put there because she was the “brightest” is a fanon belief (x). Furthermore, according to the Report Cards in the First Fanbook, Ino was behind Sasuke; making her the second-best overall and the best kunoichi amongst them (x).

Furthermore, Kakashi specifically visits Naruto's house alongside the Hokage who introduces him to the team he'll be leading, and at no moment do they even mention Sakura.

Meanwhile Ino, canonically speaking, would never be put on the same team as Sasuke, as she's the Yamanaka heir -her destiny was always to be with Chöji and Shikamaru.

Here

I’m not your little tag-along anymore Ino

Sakura says this in order to gain an emotional reaction -Ino is shocked by the words because she's never shown to consider Sakura to be what her former friend claims she used to be. Sakura is then painting the memories of their relationship in a negative light, downgrading it. What for Ino was a real friendship, to Sakura was a relationship of power.

[This is not a negative thing per se, Sakura needed a support system that Ino provided as she was too shy to socialize with anyone. What she's saying now is that she doesn't need Ino in order to interact with others. For Sakura is a positive thing, as she probably hated being "Ino's tag along", however, that doesn't change the negative impact that it has on Ino who never saw Sakura as a burden.]

Sakura's views of their dynamic diminish its relevance in her life and put Ino in the wrong (almost making her the abusive side of the relationship). Ino never reached for Sakura in order to make her her “tag-along”, Sakura was the one who put herself in that position.

I'm not blatantly denying Sakura's views on their former friendship, but from what we can see in canon, those views are either a lie she tells Ino to emotionally drag her during their match (stated before by Kakashi, she wants Ino to take her seriously), or a twisted version of the events transpired.

Much like with Sasuke, the fact that Sakura puts the weight of her well-being on another person’s shoulders means that she’s not responsible for the outcome or what her actions might entail: That’s why she makes Ino responsible for their fallout -hadn’t Ino liked the same boy, she wouldn’t have ended their relationship.

Sakura calling Ino a witch.

At the end of their fight, is Ino who -again, reaches out to Sakura and waits for her to wake, and, again: She gives her support.

We have a new interaction between them in CH 93 -where we see both of them visiting Sasuke in the hospital and bringing him a flower, there, we get to see them talking outside a ninja setting and inside Ino's flower shop.

1) It's established Sakura doesn't visit the flower shop until then.

2) They still bicker over Sasuke, the basis of their relationship hasn't changed after the Chünin Exams, but they seem to get along better.

3) Sakura learned the flowers' meaning in order to compete with Ino.

They even sit together in CH 99 to see the one-on-one fights of the last round of the exams, and while both Ino and Sakura are equally concerned about Sasuke, it's Ino the one who tells Sakura to cheer Naruto on during his match. How is Ino this "bad person who diminished Sakura" when she shows nothing but concern for her crush (Sasuke), her former friend (Sakura), and her rival's teammate (Naruto)? Furthermore, in CH 105, Ino realizes Sakura's change in mood when she admits (internally) to being somewhat jealous of Naruto.

After Shikamaru's match, once Sasuke appears, Ino compliments Sakura's team, praising both Sasuke and Naruto; Sakura's reaction isn't shown as the main focus is Lee -who hears Ino speaking-, but it amazes me how many people try to paint Ino's character as "shallow" and a "bully" when she has done nothing but encourage and praise those around her even when they're not close enough to hear her.

Then, after Sasuke's Retrieval Arc, Ino even goes as far as to look for Sakura once Shimamaru's team returns (x), and she even prioritizes Chöji before Sasuke (who they don't know actually left, x). How is Ino such a shallow, careless monster (who doesn't truly care for Sakura) if she goes out of her way to find her and inform her of their friends' return? Wouldn't have she taken the opportunity to visit Sasuke by herself? Wouldn't she have chosen to visit her crush first rather than Chöji if she was that obsessed with him and against Sakura?

In a way, and this is not to diminish some of the writing problems the author has, Ino is a nice representation of how Kishimoto is actually capable of writing a girl with a simple crush on a boy, who still prioritizes friends and comrades above the man she likes. Sakura's behavior, therefore, can't be attributed to Kishimoto not "knowing how to write women", but to him giving Sakura specific characteristics that just happen to be disliked by the fandom. In retaliation, her stans decide to blame such personality traits on his "incapability" to write female characters before giving them the actual relevance they have over Sakura's character.

[literallyjustforlurking]

Maiden, Mother, Man

Artemis stared at the screaming man in front of her, he looked insane. When Annabeth Chase had fallen off the cliff with the manticore she had been saddened by the loss of a strong maiden and had presumed to have to deal with the possibel grief of her questing partners but the way the boy was acting was.... confusing.

He looked like he had gone insane and for some reason this....upset her. She walked over to the maiden, mother, man who looked as if was considering throwing himself of the cliff after the man, father, maiden while the saytr was busy dealing with the young demigods for whom the manticore had originally been after.

Standing behind the Queen, Demigod she called his name that had been echoing across Olympus since his claiming "Percy Jackson," The name felt bitter on her tongue, it felt wrong. It was the name of the son of Poseidon but it did not seem to match the child who sat in front of.

The demigod turned to her and she saw the recogniztion in his eyes a moment before it appeared in her own. "My apologies you have lost your husband again," Penelope smiled up at her, "It would no use trying to lie to you would it?"

"I may not be the god of truth like my brother but I can recognize a maiden in any form."

The queen smiled at her again, but this time it seemed more subdued.

"It is always a pleasure to see you again my lady, but would you mind keeping the information of our return to yourself, I would prefer the sea god not know of my past and I do not believe my husband is ready to see Athena so soon."

Artemis thought on it "I must tell Zoe about the return of her freind but no other god shall hear about your return from me, I swear it."

The queen below her looked relived and than shocked, "Zoe still lives? Would you take me to see her?"

"I belive she would be more than happy to see you."

Artemis as the goddess of maidens is able to see that P!Percy is both Penelope and Percy but since Atremis only knows Penelope she'll mostly being using Penelope's name.

I'll also be expanding of Penelope and Zoe's relationship in another post.

Artemis understands just how much chaos a revelation of Percy and Penelope's return could bring to Olympus and since they are in the middle of war preperation they can't afford that right now. And at this point no one (other than Thalia herself) knows Thalia is Clymestra. So she and Zoe and she and P!Percy still have their rivalry's going on for now.

I will be doing another on for Apollo and H!Rachel but this one felt to long already lol

[pixiefelixie]

remake?

pairing — idol!seungmin x f!reader

word count — 2.7k

warnings — she/her reader, so fluffy

summary — on a chilly winter morning, seungmin was scrolling on his phone when he was met with a picture of you two from last winter. longing filled his heart as he revisited that memory.

On a winter morning blanketed by flurries that had begun overnight, Seungmin planned to rest in the warmth of his home, away from the duties of work. His members did as well, finding themselves relaxing after all their effort. Meanwhile, Minho was whipping up waffles with his brand new waffle machine, while Jeongin and Felix lingered in their beds, engrossed in their phones instead of actually getting up.

Having enjoyed a refreshing morning shower, Seungmin settled onto the living room couch. He was casually flipping through his photo gallery, deleting a cluster of useless memes and screenshots, in order to tidy up some space that his phone desperately needed. His browsing suddenly came to a pause when he stumbled upon a picture from last winter.

He clicked on it to expand it, when he realised it showed a moment shared between him and you next to Han River. The snow was falling from the sky and it was fairly bright, similarly to the weather today. Your hands were gently resting on his shoulders as his encircled your waist like you two were about to start a ballroom dance.

As Seungmin looked at the picture, memories of that day flooded back. He remembered walking with you in Riverside Park, the snow crunching beneath his feet. The park looked magical with snow on the trees and the frozen river glistening. He could feel the warmth of your hand in his, hear your laughter as snow frosted your eyelashes.

"No, Seungmin, don't let go of my hand!" You cried out as you were slipping and sliding on the icy path.

"What if I do?" he teased, trying to steady himself as well.

"I'll be doomed! I'll die!" you exclaimed, fear evident in your voice.

"You won't die, Y/n. But if I trip, we'll both go down if you keep on holding me like this" he chuckled.

"But if it's me that trips, you'll catch me, right?" you asked hopefully.

With a playful grin, Seungmin replied, "No promises," his tone light but reassuring. "We'll be off the ice soon. Just try not to slip until then."

With a shaky nod, trying to trust in his words, you felt a sudden slip under your feet. With a yelp, you stumbled forward, but Seungmin swiftly linked his arm with yours, keeping you steady. Relief washed over you as you looked up at him, processing how quickly he had reacted to prevent you from falling.

His face was just only an inch from yours, and you couldn't help but smile at the realization that he had caught you, even though he had been joking about it moments before. Seungmin's eyes met yours, concern evident in his gaze as he asked, "Are you okay?"

You nodded, unable to find the words to express your thoughts in that moment. Seungmin stood up straight, now holding onto your waist for support as you both carefully made your way off the last few steps of the icy path and onto the grippy, firm snow.

With a grateful smile, you looked up at Seungmin, realizing just how lucky you were to have him by your side. And in that moment, surrounded by the winter beauty of the park, you couldn't help but feel a warmth in your heart that was a stark contrast to the weather.

As Seungmin pointed towards the frozen river, he said, "Look at the river, baby."

You followed his gaze and remarked, "It's all frozen."

Seungmin pondered aloud, "I wonder if we could walk` on it."

You shook your head, a hint of worry in your voice. "We could fall through," you cautioned.

Seungmin reassured you with a playful smile, "I'm only joking." Relieved, you let out a sigh.

You both walked with linked arms over to a gazebo nearby in which the roof was covered in snow. However, people were still sitting by it on the cold benches. Finding a spot beside it, you settled onto a bench together. It was a good bench with a good view, offering a clear view of the icy river.

With your hands in your pockets to shield them from the cold, Seungmin gently took them out. As he noticed how red they were, he breathed warm air onto them, causing you to smile at his sweet gesture. The warmth of his breath and his touch made the chilly winter day feel a lot warmer.

You then playfully declared, "Your turn!" Taking his hands in yours, you brought them close and breathed warm air onto them, just as he had done for you. Seungmin giggled as you then started to pepper light kisses on his hands. As you intertwined your fingers with his, a gentle smile graced your lips, and you leaned into him.

Seungmin followed suit, resting his head against yours. Together, you watched as children laughed and played in the snow, their joy infectious even from a distance. The scene was serene, with people strolling by, bundled up against the winter chill.

"I love you, Y/n," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear.

A warm feeling blossomed in your chest as you turned to him, meeting his gaze with love. "I love you too, Seungmin," you replied.

As you nestled closer together, the gentle snowfall creating a calming backdrop, a comfortable silence enveloped you. But soon, Seungmin broke the silence with a question. "What's your favorite winter memory?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.

You pondered for a moment before a fond smile tugged at your lips. "I think it would be from when I was a child," you began, your voice laced with nostalgia. "My family used to take me to go ice skating on the frozen pond near our house. It was always such a magical experience, gliding across the ice under the twinkling stars. On a warmer day, I fell through the ice since it wasn't thick enough. I never went back after that."

"I'm sorry for joking about it, baby," he said softly, his voice laced with sincerity. "I didn't know."

You reached out to reassure him, offering a small smile. "It's okay, Seungmin," you replied, giving his hand a comforting squeeze. "Let's make new winter memories together," you said with a smile. "Starting with today."

Seungmin returned your smile. "I'd like that," he replied.

Your boyfriend then leaned in to kiss you, and you met him halfway, the warmth of his lips against yours sending a thrill through your body. You felt his grip on your hand tighten as you both leaned into each other, drawing closer until you were chest to chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat echoing your own.

Pulling away slightly, you smiled up at him, your eyes sparkling with love. But before you could say anything, Seungmin leaned in again, his lips meeting yours in a light, tender kiss.

As Seungmin savored the sweetness of the moment, he felt so free to be out on a date without any of his staff. It was one of the best things about winter—the flurries swirling around, everyone bundled up against the cold, creating a sense of privacy since no one bothered to look his way.

During other seasons, everything seemed to be out in the open, and everyone could recognize him as an idol. But in winter, it felt like no one was watching, and you two could just be a normal couple, free to be yourselves without any pressure or scrutiny.

Suddenly, Seungmin got an idea. "I wanna take a photo together," he exclaimed, his eyes bright with excitement.

"Sure!" you replied eagerly, matching his enthusiasm.

You both got up, and you ran ahead, feeling the snowflakes melt on your hand as Seungmin set up his phone on a ledge of the gazebo. He flipped the phone so the back camera was facing you, and then clicked on the timer.

As you stood waiting, watching the snowflakes dance around you, Seungmin dashed towards you, grabbing you by the waist. You smiled and placed your hands on his shoulders, leaning in to kiss him tenderly.

But just as the photo was about to be taken, the phone slipped from the ledge and fell into the snow. You both pulled away, a sense of disappointment washing over you.

"Oh no," you murmured, seeing the phone had landed with the camera facing downwards, capturing only the snowy ground.

Seungmin sighed as he retrieved the phone, noticing snow had seeped into the speaker. But he quickly shrugged it off, determined to try again.

"It'll work this time," he reassured you with a grin.

You nodded, feeling hopeful as Seungmin set up the phone once more, this time with extra care. As he ran over to you, you both kept a careful eye on the phone, ensuring it didn't slip again. As he kissed you, you tried to recreate the pose from before, counting down from ten in your heads.

When you thought the picture had been taken, Seungmin ran over with a giddy smile, ready to check the result. Anticipation filled the air as he glanced at his phone, then his smile quickly faded into a frown.

"What happened?" you asked, concern coloring your tone.

"I think I forgot to change it to the back camera," Seungmin admitted, disappointment evident in his voice.

Stepping closer, you looked at the photo on his phone, seeing it captured the inside of the gazebo instead of the direction of the Han River.

Looking back at Seungmin, you could see the disappointment in his eyes. He sighed again, but then mustered a small smile. "Well, third time's the charm, right?" he said, trying to remain optimistic.

"Right," you agreed, nodding in agreement. But then an idea struck you. "Wait, Seungmin," you said, stopping him before he went to set up the phone again.

"Yeah?" he responded, turning to face you.

"Wanna ask someone to take it for us?" you suggested. "It's less of a hassle, and it'll turn out better."

Seungmin hesitated. "But won't people see me?" he asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Well, it's not like everyone here could recognize you at first glance, right?" you pointed out, sticking close to him.

"Yeah, you're right," Seungmin agreed, feeling reassured.

"Let's see," you said, scanning the area. "What about that boy over there?" You pointed at a wealthy-looking teenager wearing headphones and a North Face puffer, chewing bubblegum while scrolling on his phone with a swagger to his walk.

Seungmin hesitated. "I don't know, he's a teenager, so he might know me. Plus, he looks like he's bad at taking photos."

"Okay, then," you conceded.

"What about the elderly lady there?" Seungmin pointed at a little old woman walking along the sidewalk with a cane and a scarf covering her whole face.

"I don't know," You replied. "I don't think we should bother her."

"True," He agreed, looking around for another option. Finally, you spotted your target—a dad walking hand in hand with a small girl who looked around 7 or 8 years old.

"What about him?" you suggested, tugging Seungmin towards the dad. "He's a dad, and dads don't know you."

"Are you sure?" Seungmin asked uncertainly.

"Yeah," you confirmed, taking Seungmin's phone and approaching the man with a smile. As you walked up to them, you noticed the dad smiling and laughing with his little girl. When they both looked your way, you greeted them politely.

"Hi, sir! Do you mind taking a photo of my boyfriend and me? We're having a bit of trouble," you explained, Seungmin standing behind you, following your lead.

The dad's face lit up with a smile. "Of course," he replied warmly, his little girl waving at you both. You waved back, and as Seungmin joined you, the girl's excitement seemed to double.

"Appa, he's one of the guys that my big sister on TV!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

The dad looked at Seungmin in surprise. "You know me?" Seungmin asked, touched by the girl's recognition.

She nodded vigorously, her enthusiasm infectious. Seungmin couldn't help but be charmed by her. Normally, he would've been panicked that someone recognized him. However, in this situation, he couldn't help but feel as if his heart was warming up.

Curious, the dad asked, "What do you do?"

"I work in music," Seungmin replied modestly.

The dad's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow, that's impressive! Even both my daughters know you," he remarked, impressed.

Seungmin thanked him sincerely, and you chuckled at the interaction between them.

As you handed Seungmin the phone, you both positioned yourselves by the Han River, with the dad following suit and the little girl holding onto her dad's pants, watching with eager anticipation. You leaned in close to Seungmin, whispering, "Kissing in front of the child?"

Seungmin lightly shook his head, a silent agreement passing between you. You nodded and positioned yourselves, your noses barely touching, sharing a tender moment as the dad readied the camera.

"Ready?" he asked, and you both nodded eagerly.

But as the dad counted down, a tickling sensation tingle at your noses, and you couldn't help but giggle. As the laughter bubbling up inside both of you, the dad snapped the photo.

"Okay, done!" he announced.

As you both rushed over to see the result, you gasped in amazement when you saw the photo. Excitedly, you showed it to Seungmin, who mirrored your gasp of delight.

"Thank you so much, it turned out so well," Seungmin expressed his gratitude to the dad.

"No problem, it was nice meeting you," he replied warmly. "Say bye," he instructed the little girl, who waved before they walked away.

Seungmin looked at you, noticing how you were staring at the phone in awe. "Lemme see it again," he requested, and as you handed him the phone, he smiled, "It's beautiful."

Seungmin held the phone, admiring the photo once more. In the image, your hands rested on his shoulders while his encircled your waist. Your noses were pressed together, laughter evident in your expressions. Flurries danced in the air, the Han River visible in the background, along with footsteps in the snow. It was a perfect snapshot of your love and joy in that moment.

"It's perfect," Seungmin said, smiling at you. "This moment, right here, it's everything."

You smiled back, feeling a rush of love for him. This photo would be a cherished memory for both of you.

Back in the present, Seungmin set his phone aside, the memories of that day still lingering in his mind. With a contented sigh, he leaned back on the couch, feeling grateful for the warmth of his home and the peacefulness of the moment.

Leaning against the glass, Seungmin sighed softly as he watched the snowflakes drift gracefully to the ground, each one uniquely intricate in its design. It was the kind of picturesque scene that made him wish he could capture another moment with you, just like the one from the previous winter day.

Lost in thought, he wondered what you might be doing at that very moment. Perhaps you were curled up with the book he had gifted you for your birthday, lost in its pages and escaping into another world. Or maybe you were nestled in your bed, the one he always found more comfortable than his own, enjoying a well-deserved rest. Then again, there was also the possibility that you were at your favorite café, diligently studying and savoring a warm beverage.

With a wistful smile, Seungmin imagined you in each scenario, his heart warmed by the mere thought of you. Despite the physical distance between you two, he found solace in knowing that, wherever you were, you were carrying a piece of him with you.

Feeling the weight of his longing, Seungmin couldn't resist the urge to reach out to you. With a soft smile playing on his lips, he unlocked his phone, finding the photo he had been obsessing over. As he sent it to you, a surge of anticipation bubbled within him, his heart racing at the mere thought of recreating that special moment together.

With fingers trembling ever so slightly, he typed out the simple yet loaded question: "Remake?" He hit send and then tossed his phone to the other side of the couch, like a teenage girl nervously sending her first text to her crush.

[copperbadge]

More on mindfulness and meditation

I feel like perhaps I came across as anti-meditation in that last post I did on it, and there were some folks who were a bit vocal about not liking meditation in the notes, but the notes also had some great and interesting discussion of what can count as mindfulness that isn't traditional meditation and what some alternatives might be, so I wanted to do a follow-up. Especially since I don't think I'm going to get to respond to everyone individually.

The post was not meant to be anti-meditation, but to express frustration with the way meditation frequently is, or rather fails to be, taught. I can understand why people would struggle with "mindfulness" (vastly overused term) and meditation, so I'm not here to argue with or shame anyone, and I really appreciate the alternative suggestions. But because mindfulness can mean so many things, and people can meditate for many different reasons, I wanted to talk a little about why I'm being asked to do it.

It's easy to lose track of why one might try meditation for mental health, because the cause and effect are so temporally dislocated from each other. I try to keep in mind that my specific goal is emotional regulation deriving from increased present-moment attention. Some of the stuff that was suggested is great for a goal other than this, like puzzle games that allow people to empty their racing minds or activity that brings someone back into their body when dissociating -- both extremely laudable functions! -- but that's not why I'm here. Meditation is meant, for me, to be a maintenance medication, not a rescue inhaler.

There is science that suggest that mindfulness practice, under a specific definition of the term, can help to manage emotional dysregulation, ameliorate Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and reduce depression and anxiety. I discuss the science in a slideshow here but essentially this specific form trains the attention into the present moment, which improves executive function -- and as we know, emotional regulation is a facet of executive function, so this leads to better emotional regulation.

There is not a lot of science on it yet so there is room here for yoursamplesizeissmall.jpg, but it's all we've got so I'm running with it. There is one foundational practice and three practices that build on it which effected this change in subjects of the study:

Breathing Meditation doesn't really confer any benefit the others don't, but the others all employ it as a basic practice. We know this can calm the parasympathetic nervous system, although to be honest I have not found that to be the case personally. As soon as I stop the deep breathing I'm right back where I was, likely because my issue is ruminational, not situational. But everything else wants you to breathe first, so I still have to do it.

Body Scan focuses attention on the body and as others have pointed out is good for people prone to dissociation. As I said in the other post, I live here; paying extra attention to my body isn't something I need. I was asked to try it anyway as part of a practice in keeping an open mind about stuff I think is dumb, and clearly I do need practice in that. Still, it's likely I'll be able to let this one go pretty soon.

Loving-Kindness asks you to think positively about others, expanding compassion from a single point outward to the world. I've encountered this before in reading Pema Chodron; I don't do it as meditation, but I do try to practice it in life because I am not naturally a patient or compassionate person, and that has been helpful in the sense that it keeps me from getting punched in the face a bunch. For me there's no real "train the attention to be in the present" aspect on account of that, however.

Observing-Thought is where you just sit with your thoughts, let them arise, sometimes label them in some way, and let them go. I was most interested in this purely because it's the only one I hadn't already encountered. I haven't found it useful so far, but I don't have enough data about it to be definitive, and if it is training executive function I would expect that to take time.

Now, I know that all four of these have science backing them, so I know that we're not just dealing in new-age woo here. The problem is functional, not theoretical. The issue overall is not "meditation is boring" -> "find a way to make it interesting", although I do appreciate that it may be an issue for others and I like that people were offering solutions. The issue for me is that the boredom derives from the fact that the meditation isn't being taught. There's no progressional learning -- there's no step-progress-reward-step-progress-reward like with most difficult skills.

Any task is boring if you aren't deriving any reward from it or you are being expected to execute it without skills or training, and in this case I'm facing down both. Long silences from a meditation leader are fine if you're there to engage with a practice you already have familiarity with, but if you're trying to learn, they are the opposite of helpful, and they are actively punishing to someone with ADHD.

I don't want to be entertained (I mean, generally I do, but in this case I don't expect it). What I want is a pedagogical approach that steps up to the practice rather than beginning with it, so that I know I'm doing it right, I experience rewards along the way similar to how I currently do learning Italian, and I have more confidence that what seems dull and fruitless actually will produce results.

Uh, so yeah thanks for coming to my TEDtalk; the fact that a practice that's especially hard for people with ADHD helps with almost every problem ADHD presents really sucks, and I wish we approached teaching meditation as if it were something you actually did have to learn rather than something you're supposed to Do Until You Get It. In the meantime I guess bumping the speed on the recording isn't the worst thing I could be doing.

[violetasteracademic]

Vi are you back!? We've missed you so much! Thank you for blessing us with Elriel smut, queen!

Hi lovely anon! Well ... as far as Elriel smut, I never left, my dear! I've put out some of my proudest work on AO3 since stepping away from Tumblr (honestly, my most recent ACOTF chapter might be my favorite thing I have ever written and I have been living my best life with Velaris Memorial Hospital. And I've finally made my foray into one shots!) I've been posting very consistently and am very excited to see where I land for my 1 year AO3/baby's first fandom anniversary at the end of the month!

Am I back on Tumblr?? Sadly, until the ACOTAR fandom is a little more disco and a little less discourse, it's really not my style. I understand there was quite a mass exodus this month from the latest drama, but my personal exodus was a long time ago on an average day because even the basic daily dramas are just not something I enjoy partaking in and witnessing. And artists, writers, creators, and theorists have been quietly leaving this fandom because of the state of it for years.

I respect that the ACOTAR fandom, especially if you are very invested in the next book, is very locked into the shipwar. And if not the shipwar, it's all these little pro IC versus anti IC factions, or bat boys versus Vanserra's, or sisters versus sisters factions, and they are *all* very vicious and unkind to each other. Even without something extremely major happening, most days my feed was filled with trolls being given attention, rude memes about the other side, screenshots of people throwing around insults, finger pointing, ect. I don't think that energy is going to shift any time soon, and everyone has gotta do what they gotta do. But it's not the most inspirational or enjoyable place to feed creativity, and since I've expanded my fandom experience to much more creatively active ones like BG3 and Arcane, I've learned it doesn't actually have to be this way. This is just the way the ACOTAR fandom is. For better or for worse, I'm not sure it will ever change, because it's what a lot of people are looking for and they are gaining whatever it is they need from the environment.

That being said, Azriel and Elain are my blorbos. I wouldn't change a thing about that. I'll probably be writing about my little loves fucking and falling in love a million different ways for years to come, and have been having even more Feysand and Nessian ideas lately! So I'll keep carving out the space that is safe and enjoyable for me while trying to quiet the rest of the noise.

I do think I'll stop by whenever I have a new work that needs a cute lil banner, an announcement, and update to the master list 🥹 especially because a lot of people seem to enjoy getting their fic news on Tumblr! But I've gotta rock the post and ghost for my wellbeing.

I know this is disappointing to some. Especially those of you who have sent me anons expressing your sadness with the state of the fandom, and how exhausting it is. I see you and am hugging you. It's a bummer to come to this space looking for a safe space to connect and find your people and feel like you don't fit in! Honestly, the main reason I'm even responding is because of that. I hope you feel a little less alone. Many, many creatives in the ACOTAR space don't last. I am merely but one of them. And I think I can safely say it's never only one thing that causes people to step away, there's only the straw that breaks the camels back.

Anywho, hope this wasn't too preachy. Im not trying to change anyone's minds or tell them how to behave. I just got a few anons like this and figured it wouldn't hurt to clarify where I'm at with the ACOTAR fandom and hopefully reach anyone who has been feeling similar or alone!

I'm literally just a girl trying to survive an uncontrolled descent into fascism and live in an increasingly unlivable world. But making my favorite characters smash in the garden brings me joy, as I hope it will continue to bring all of you on the hard days!

[nyamadermont]

#8. "You did it! You really did it! I'm so proud of you!" Zolt and Mako?

oh, dear, anon... I hope this works out ok for you.

If not, let me know and I'll try again

So Proud

The overhead lightbulb blazed through Mako’s closed eyelids, jolting him awake. He grabbed his blanket and curled into a ball, his back to the wicked man in the door.

“Go away.”

“Aww, did little big man get too much to drink last night? C’mon Mako, off your back and get dressed. If we don’t go soon, this storm will blow over.”

“Next time.”

This time, Zolt kicked the leg of his bed, giving him a different jolt.

“You’ve been begging for months. This is the best storm we’ve had in weeks. Get up.”

Mako’s blanket ripped away and dropped in front of his knees. The cold air rushed over his exposed skin, and he shivered. Zolt’s huge, rough hand came down firmly on his shoulder. Startled, Mako opened his eyes, but kept still. He felt a sense of comfort that confused him.

Zolt wasn’t a nice man. Mako had watched him beat up members of other triads, even seen him shock business owners over protection money. He said mean things to the younger members of the Threats, like Shady Shin. He hadn’t been mean to Bolin, but something told Mako that wouldn’t last forever.

But Zolt trained him. Made sure they both had a place to stay. They never had enough to get away, but they didn’t starve, either. Mako was old enough to know some of the ways other kids got by in the triads, and he had fought every day to keep that from happening to either of them. And that usually meant keeping Zolt happy.

He sighed.

“Fine. Let me get dressed.”

With his back turned, Mako didn’t realize Zolt had left until the door snapped shut.

Once outside, however, he began to wonder why he’d bothered.

The rain was pelting down, and the clouds overhead were dark and angry. A rumble of thunder told him he’d missed at least one lightning strike.

“C’mon, kid. We need to be at the park already.”

For an old guy, Zolt could bolt when he wanted to. It wasn’t often. Something about ‘dignity,’ he’d said once. Mako grimaced, and raced after his boss.

Once in the park, Zolt waved him over to a small concession stand that was closed for the season. Under the overhang, he pulled Mako under his arm, pointing at the sky with his free hand.

“There’s only one airbender, Mako, so you have to learn how the clouds move from people like me.” He dropped his hand, and bent to look at Mako. “Settle down. You’re breathing too hard.”

Mako met Zolt’s eye, and nodded.

He closed his eyes, and concentrated on his breathing, the way they had been working on for months. Expanding his lungs, pulling in the air, and feeling the energy spread throughout his body. He held his breath and felt the tingle of his bending along his back and arms.

But he held it a little too long, and his body forced the air out, then a new breath in.

“Slow down. Balance, kid.”

Silently, Mako nodded.

Around him, the rain continued its insistent rythym, but it was soothing, somehow.

“Face me.”

Zolt released him, and they faced each other, the way so many of their practices began.

“You have to keep the positive and the negative energy apart. Like making sure the Threats and the Kais don’t get too close. Because what happens when they do?”

Mako still remembered the last time. “We fight.”

In front of him, he saw Zolt wave his arms, one up toward his shoulder, the other down, toward his knees. His upper hand inscribed a full circle, and Mako pulled back from the sizzle in the air.

Zolt brought his right hand down quickly, then back up, pointing at the sky.

His trademark lightning bolt surged up to the clouds, dazzling Mako’s vision.

Zolt brought his hands together and tugged on his jacket. He just raised an eyebrow at Mako, and Mako knew what came next.

He centered himself and copied Zolt’s motions, without pulling on his chi. He bent his knees to steady his posture, and rehearsed the movement again. When he thrust his hands to the sky, he imagined what it would feel like.

“Enough playing. Try it for real.”

Mako met Zolt’s eyes, and focused on his… on Zolt.

This time, he could feel the crackle of energy - it was different from his firebending, but… it wasn’t different, either. He closed his eyes and let the sensation build - the tension increase -

The breath he drew was charged -

His vision blurred -

He watched his hand draw a circle in front of himself -

Two fingers dragged a trail of sparks -

He pointed up through the rain -

Lightning stabbed up, into the night sky -

The air clapped back together in a roar that deafened him and knocked him down on his ass.

Rain soaked his face and started to run down (up?) his nose. He choked and coughed, rolling back over on his side, just the way he had been not even an hour ago.

Zolt’s hand clapped back down on his shoulder, and Mako felt himself being pulled up into a big bear hug.

"You did it! You really did it! I'm so proud of you!" Zolt shouted over the rain and thunder.

Mako pressed his face into Zolt’s shoulder, glad the rain would hide his tears.

“I miss you, Dad…”